I have days where life seems so intense. Having gone through so much grief, I feel my personality changing at times. Things start slipping out of my control. I feel helpless, trapped and alone.
I don’t have a family support system. I had a mother, father and two younger sisters. I have cast out my youngest sibling. She was a cancer in my life and needed to go. My father died of stomach cancer, my sister died of breast cancer. and my mother survived Hodgkin’s Disease only to suddenly die of coronary issues (which I believe stemmed from undiagnosed Celiac’s Disease (more to that story).
Either way, as the first-born, I’m used to being the strong, responsible, independent one. Sometimes, it just gets too much and I break. I don’t want to be positive. I know that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. I know when the door closes, the window was previously nailed shut.
Ok, so I’m melodramatic too. I’m entitled. I have my melt-down. Allow myself to shed a few tears and I pick myself up again and move on. Life would get pretty blah if I lived a Stepford wife’s life. Plus, I look much cuter inked-up than a plain ole Stepford wife (lol). See, I’ve already regained my sense of humor.
Do you ever feel a breakdown coming on?