Today marks the third anniversary of my sister losing her breast cancer battle. I apologize for not keeping up the blog. This week has been a bit intense. I have been consumed with canning and preparing fresh meals.
I realized yesterday, I deal with Kathi’s passing differently as the years go by. The first year, I just cried. I kept reading old emails and texts from her. Last year I remembered her through the music she enjoyed. This year, it was canning and cooking. I’ve only been canning a little over three years now. One of the last conversations Kathi and I had, before the cancer took a turn for the worse, was how she was going to start canning in the summer. I had sent some of the apple butter, I had canned, back home. She never made it to summer.
This week, I have been obsessed with canning and preparing everything fresh. Not sure why it didn’t hit me before last night. I rarely can during the week. Sometimes, I will process a batch of vegetable stock on a Monday. I’ve made and canned apricot jam and vegetable stock this week. Last night I cooked black beans and made a mayo-free coleslaw.
I have purchased potatoes, jalapeno and serrano peppers and blueberries. I will be making potato salad and some jelly and preserves before the weekend is out. It’s almost a compulsion to get these things accomplished. I now know it’s me keeping busy. I know it’s how I’m coping.
Just long for the day I don’t have survivor’s guilt that I outlived my younger sister. I long for the day where the sadness isn’t all consuming. I know there’s no limit on grief. I know it gets a little easier as time passes. I know my life has been profoundly changed with her passing.
As today is my sister’s angelversary, I’m attaching my team Relay for Life link. Together we can end cancer. Together we can stop cancer so there are no more angelversaries because of this horrible disease.
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