I’ve been on oral chemotherapy for a week now. I have been lucky not to experience many side effects. The worst, so far, has been nausea and fatigue. Those who know me, know I am always on the go or doing something. Friends ask me if I know what the word relax means.
My anger has subsided a bit. I am still less than pleased with my oncology team. However, I am doing my best to see the positives in all this. Positives with cancer? Seriously? Yup!
I truly believe God has a plan for me; for all of us, really. I have known so much suffering, loss and tragedy. What’s a stage 3 cancer diagnosis added to all that, right?
I was speaking to our pastor’s wife yesterday and shared how I recently thought of a positive to having cancer: it’s brought my oldest and I closer. One could say we’ve had a tumultuous relationship. We were having a rough patch prior to my diagnosis. We had only recently started speaking again.
Once I told him about the diagnosis, our relationship improved. It reaffirmed how precious life is and how it’s not promised to anyone. So, if cancer brought us closer together, than I am grateful.
Another positive is, as a friend pointed out when she heard the news, this disease would bring me closer to God. She was right. This struggle is not mine alone. He is with me through this. It’s my job to trust in Him and give Him control of the situation. He has guided me to a church with very supportive and caring people. He will stay beside me on this journey.
I am also learning to rest and pay attention to my health. Currently, I have energy for about half a day. I am still working a full-time job, homeschooling my daughter every evening and running a household. Is my house as clean as I want it? Heaven’s no! Truth be told, it’s driving me nuts to have clutter and not having certain areas spotless. Will we survive? Yup!
My daughter and husband have taken on a few of “mom’s chores”. They are aware I just can’t do it all or that it might be postponed if i need to take care of it. I am taking time to spend a extra hour or two in bed on the weekends. I am going to sleep hours before the clock approaches midnight.
Today was the first day I had to wear a mask at work, as my immune system becomes more compromised. I was NOT happy having to do this. Yet, a friend suggested having my artist daughter (who’s 11), draw happy faces and butterflies on my masks for me. I’m going to give her a few to try out. She’ll get to be expressive, I get to count this as art for homeschool and I should have some “designer” masks to make this journey a bit more bearable.
So as much as I hashtag, #cancersucks, there are silver linings to be seen. You just need to know where to look.