Parenting Styles

Published June 14, 2018 by lynn k scott

I was listening to K-Love, my favorite Christian radio station, on my way to work, when they brought up a new study.  “Experts” are saying that the authoritative parenting style should be replaced with parents who negotiate with their child(ren).

I was relieved to hear callers to the station completely disagreeing.  One caller even said, “parenting is directing children and negotiations are for hostages”.  I thought that was brilliant.  The woman happened to be a school teacher and expressed how she let her students know their future bosses wouldn’t tolerate them wanting to negotiate everything they were told to do.

It’s not surprising the “experts” are spouting this nonsense.  In today’s world, where even the youngest child gets a say, feelings can’t be hurt, high school students dictate what they will and won’t do, and college students are causing chaos, it’s a sign the authoritative parenting style has fallen by the wayside.

While I my tween daughter and I discuss issues as they arise, there are certain instances when she is to do as she is told; when she’s told to do it.  My house isn’t a democracy; I am in charge.  Kids are still learning how to become productive members of society.  they don’t have all the answers to make informed decisions on their own.  I don’t want to get up and go to work everyday, but I do.  I don’t always agree with my boss, but I still complete the assigned work.  When I was in college, I did the assignments that the professors handed out, because they were in charge during class time.

Our job as parents is to show our children right from wrong.  Everything they do is not up for debate.  It’s ok to tell a child “no”.  In fact, they need to hear it.  It’s ok to put limits on who they hang out with, that they have to tell you where they are going, to monitor their schoolwork and to listen to you without backtalk and/or arguing.  Boundaries are important and it’s something that must be instilled in every child or they morph into today’s “entitled” adults.

Don’t get me wrong, the older a child gets, there is room for them to have more discussions with you.  If they have a valid point, that might influence or change your decision, then by all means, do so.  But there comes a point when they just need to accept the fact they need to follow instructions and they will not get their way.

So, excuse me experts, there is nothing wrong with the authoritarian parenting style.  Perhaps if more parents were committed to teaching proper behavior, that not everyone can be a winner and respect for their fellow man/woman, then we wouldn’t have young adults needing safe spaces or acting like a spoiled toddler throwing hissy fits on their college campus because their feelings were hurt because they heard something they didn’t agree with.  Today’s entitled kids are products of a non-authoritarian environment.  I’m not an expert, by an means, but I sure as hell will not have my daughter turning out like the majority of today’s teens and 20-somethings.



8 comments on “Parenting Styles

  • I was absolutely raised by authoritarian parents and am so, so thankful for it! My brother, on the other hand, was raised to think he was in charge and is having a tough time being in any position that is not “in command”. Keep sharing!


  • Yes, yes, ‘negotiations are for hostages’ – couldn’t agree more. Don’t do that with kids. Although my kids are still young, my oldest being 10, there is no back and forth, I say what goes and your chores get done. Kids are smart, don’t put anything past them, no matter what the age! My 2 year old will take you for a ride if you let him. If I have to say to pick up your toys more than I’d like, the next time there won’t be a toy. They now run, because I will throw toys away. In the trash it goes! They know mom does exactly what she says. It’s important to me to follow through with what I say. I brought you into this world, I’m in charge, my house, my rules, no locking door, you respect your parents. My toddlers and baby have nap time in the afternoon after lunch. They have lunch and walk to their beds, kids need structure/schedules. As you say, no boss will be saying things more than twice if at that before not considering firing you. My mom raised me like this, it works, I do what works. Do what works for you. Great post! 😊💛🙏🏽

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for the support. Glad to know thete are other moms like me. I give my 12 year old some say in how we do school, but she has clear boundaries and she knows when to do what she is told. She is extremely independent. Each child is different, but it boils down to my house, my rules.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes! It’s refreshing! Your house, you run it the way you want it, they don’t run you. Yes, my 10 year old is independent also, she helps with her and her older siblings laundry, sets up the table and picks up, watches the little ones if I need her to and helps with the baby. I agree, I’m not their friend, I’m first and foremost their parent – we can be friends when you’re out of my house and I’m ‘done’ raising you. 😆🤷🏽‍♀️ I agree, build boundaries so then later they don’t try to make a fool out of you. I treat each child different – because each IS different, but the goal stays the same! I’m the parent and you’re the child. 💛🙌🏽 But I love them! 😆

        Liked by 1 person

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