Being a Mom

All posts in the Being a Mom category

Pet Peeve

Published July 10, 2018 by lynn k scott

A huge pet peeve of mine is when homeschooling parents encounter parents who say they can’t homescool or couldn’t imagine spending all day.  While, these types of comments are common, what I find some homeschooling parents berate working parents.

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While I believe homeschooling could be (and should be) an option for every family, it’s doable IF the parent believes they are up for it.  However, to make snide remarks about working parents using brick and mortar schools or daycares to “justify” working so they won’t feel guilty for working because they “choose” to.

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I cannot stress enough, working parents are the only ones with the ability to assess their family’s needs.  Do I think public schools are acceptable?  Not in this day and age.  However, that is my opinion.  I also don’t care for public charter schools that offer stipends.  To me, it’s the same public education, with a bit more freedom, but parents are essentially bribed by the stipends to follow the rules by the district.  Yet, it works for many families; just not mine.

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I work choose to homeschool, while working full-time, because I believe that’s what’s best for MY family.  We complete new lessons at night, ‘homework’ is completed during the day.  We utilize weekends for completing assignments; if need be.  We also have our field trips on the weekend or I may take off a day here and there to attend special field events not offered on the weekends.

Here’s an idea:  whether you are a stay-at-home parent or a working one, you do what is best for your family.  You decide if you can live on one or two incomes.  Your values are not necessarily the same as someone else’s.  Every famly is unique.  Please be careful painting everyone with the same brush; esp. when they differ with your beliefs.  Homeschooling is challenging enough.  Last I knew, none of us were God, so save your judgement and perhaps offer support instead of criticism.

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Parenting Styles

Published June 14, 2018 by lynn k scott

I was listening to K-Love, my favorite Christian radio station, on my way to work, when they brought up a new study.  “Experts” are saying that the authoritative parenting style should be replaced with parents who negotiate with their child(ren).

I was relieved to hear callers to the station completely disagreeing.  One caller even said, “parenting is directing children and negotiations are for hostages”.  I thought that was brilliant.  The woman happened to be a school teacher and expressed how she let her students know their future bosses wouldn’t tolerate them wanting to negotiate everything they were told to do.

It’s not surprising the “experts” are spouting this nonsense.  In today’s world, where even the youngest child gets a say, feelings can’t be hurt, high school students dictate what they will and won’t do, and college students are causing chaos, it’s a sign the authoritative parenting style has fallen by the wayside.

While I my tween daughter and I discuss issues as they arise, there are certain instances when she is to do as she is told; when she’s told to do it.  My house isn’t a democracy; I am in charge.  Kids are still learning how to become productive members of society.  they don’t have all the answers to make informed decisions on their own.  I don’t want to get up and go to work everyday, but I do.  I don’t always agree with my boss, but I still complete the assigned work.  When I was in college, I did the assignments that the professors handed out, because they were in charge during class time.

Our job as parents is to show our children right from wrong.  Everything they do is not up for debate.  It’s ok to tell a child “no”.  In fact, they need to hear it.  It’s ok to put limits on who they hang out with, that they have to tell you where they are going, to monitor their schoolwork and to listen to you without backtalk and/or arguing.  Boundaries are important and it’s something that must be instilled in every child or they morph into today’s “entitled” adults.

Don’t get me wrong, the older a child gets, there is room for them to have more discussions with you.  If they have a valid point, that might influence or change your decision, then by all means, do so.  But there comes a point when they just need to accept the fact they need to follow instructions and they will not get their way.

So, excuse me experts, there is nothing wrong with the authoritarian parenting style.  Perhaps if more parents were committed to teaching proper behavior, that not everyone can be a winner and respect for their fellow man/woman, then we wouldn’t have young adults needing safe spaces or acting like a spoiled toddler throwing hissy fits on their college campus because their feelings were hurt because they heard something they didn’t agree with.  Today’s entitled kids are products of a non-authoritarian environment.  I’m not an expert, by an means, but I sure as hell will not have my daughter turning out like the majority of today’s teens and 20-somethings.

 

The past continues to haunt me

Published June 13, 2018 by lynn k scott

I recently found out my son was getting married.  He is the last of my sons to get married.  I found out, because his older brother mentioned it to me. Back to that in a moment.

I haven’t spoke much about my past (on this topic), but I was married before.  I married at 18-years old and married a VERY abusive man.  I was young and naive.  I don’t regret having four children in my first marriage, but I do regret that he is their father.

I had to literally escape from my ex-husband, in the early morning hours, with only my mother to see off on the Greyhound bus that left NY for CA.  It wasn’t a decision I made lightly, but after two attempts on my life, the joke of legal assistance by NY police and courts, I wasn’t safe.  If I had stayed, my children would have been visiting my grave versus having the option of passing judgement on my decisions and harboring anger toward me.

Long story short, my ex-husband eventually beat a woman he knew, in the face with a brick, over a dispute over $50.00.  The cops failed to do their job.  News staff contaminated the crime scene.  He went to prison on an E-felony instead of a higher charge, which would have kept him behind bars for a longer time.

Needless to say, even 3,000 miles away, I lived my life in fear.  I did attend group counseling for battered women.  At one point, before leaving for CA, I was diagnosed with battered women’s syndrome.  My ex-husband will always be a threat to me.  There is no doubt in my mind.  I haven’t seen him in 21 years and I have no plans to do so.  We only spoke to each other through various court appearances (me appearing by phone).  My children will never know or understand the terror I survived.  While, I have told them I was abused by their father, they don’t have many details or know the extent.  Yet, they still choose him over me.  Simple reason:  I left.

Back to my son getting married.  This son is the one who wants nothing to do with me.  I have been allowed back into my other (adult) children’s lives, in various stages.  I messaged my son and asked for his address to send him a wedding present.  He told me it wasn’t necessary.  I responded that it’s something I wanted to do and I had done the same for his other brothers.

Yesterday, on the anniversary of my sister’s death (one of hardest days of the year) he chose to tell me he didn’t trust me enough with address.  I could give it to his oldest brother to deliver it to him, if I insisted on sending him a gift.

To say I was upset, was an understatement.  Not trust me?  I messaged his brother.  I was expecting some support.  I thought my oldest and I had made a lot of progress.  I was severely mistaken.  He told me he doesn’t accept the choices I made but was trying to understand them.  Then, he felt like twisting the knife that he just lunged into my back, by saying I was lucky any of my kids wanted to have anything to do with me.

WOW!  I had to shut the conversation down.  All the progress I foolishly thought we had made just flew out the window.  At least now I know where I stand; with those two sons.  I also know where I stand with my daughter.

Part of the reason I had my youngest child was 1) my second husband had no children 2) I needed to prove to myself I wasn’t a horrible parent.  I have done everything in my power to be a good mom.

I can’t change the past and I have been trying to make amends for what I felt was the only decision that could be made.  I find it ironic, a convicted, violent felon, who was the reason I left, is more welcomed in their life than I am.

I can only pray one day they will see the light of how serious my situation was at the time.  That my older children will want a relationship with their youngest sibling.  For now, I am done.  The ball in is in their court.  If they choose to end the game, that’s their decision.

 

From Ice Skates to Prayer

Published June 8, 2018 by lynn k scott

I have been trying to sell my daughter’s ice skates for the last five years.  They were only worn about 3 times and then she outgrew them.  I had a few inquiries, but the deal was never sealed.  I recently reposted them and someone finally wanted to buy them.

The mom, who I had been corresponding with, said she was blessed to be able to get them for her daughter.  I was selling them for $20 as they were in mint condition.  I decided to surprise her but she had sent her husband instead.

I let him know that I was gifting the skates to his daughter and appreciated all he was doing.  He said he appreciated me.  I should mention, the father is currently serving in the Air Force.  As an Army mom, I do what I can to help out our military (past and present).

Later, I received a text from the mom.  She said her entire family was moved by my generosity.  Her daughter was so excited with her “new” skates.  I simply told her that I was recovering from a serious illness and I had been blessed with a lot of support and now I am able to pay it forward.

We traded a few more texts.  I told her it was meant to be, as I had held onto those skates for so many years.  She asked if she could pray for me.  I thanked her as prayers are always welcomed and appreciated.  I extended an invite to Simple Church, in case they didn’t have a home church.  God works in mysterious ways.  It was a blessing to be able to give a little girl a pair of skates and in turn, I received something much greater.

She loves the kitchen

Published June 7, 2018 by lynn k scott

Upon arriving home yesterday, my nose was greeted by a delightful smell.  I see my lil miss sitting at the kitchen table.  I then hear the timer go off and she gets up and removes another tray of chocolate chip cookies from the oven.

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She informed me that she had prepared biscuits for dinner earlier in the day.  Now, she was finishing up the batch of cookies she made that afternoon.

Ok, I admit it, my heart swelled a bit.  My daughter may be a challenge when she has to read a book or complete a math assignment, but creating food from scratch is something she is beginning to excel at.

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I am proud of her initiative for wanting to bake items for her family.  She still helps prepare dinner and can make a few dishes completely on her own.  She has already mastered a full course breakfast.  There’s something about me eating egg-cups at work (that I made) and seeing a picture of her eggs, bacon, toast and hash browns that she prepared for herself.

I have no doubt, as a teenager, she will be able to help me even more by preparing dinner so I won’t have to.  She’s turning into an amazing young adult.  At the end of this year, I’ll officially have a teenager on my hands.  I think we will both come through those “challenging” years relatively unscathed.

And the Oscar goes to (repost)

Published June 6, 2018 by lynn k scott

I created this post, “And the Oscar Goes To…” a little over a year ago.  I felt like sharing it with all the parents of teens (and tweens).  We’ve got to support each other.  So unless you’ve been “repelled”, you’re doing a good job with your kids and their cell phone.

Enjoy!

 

 

 

Should’ve listened to Mom

Published June 6, 2018 by lynn k scott

There are some chores in the house I just do not want to do.  The solution?  Easy – make your tween do them.  I mean, it’s her house too and learning to take care of it is part of growing up.

Now, I will mention my husband is Filipino and my daughter is half Filipino.  Both of them live on rice.  Me…I’ll stick to my potatoes.  While I have no problem making rice, several times a week, I don’t like cleaning the rice cooker.  Hence, my daughter has been assigned a new chore.

When I told her to make sure she cleans it, I got the typical, “ok” which was followed by her forgetting.  I was going to make a point in this case.  Yup, I’m that type of mom.  So, I let the rice cooker sit there.  I knew there was a bit of rice left in it.

Last night, right before dinner, I pointed to the rice cooker and stated, “after dinner you will clean that”.  She reluctantly agreed (as if she had a choice).

What ensued was hysterical.

She opens the rice cooker and there was a bit of a smell.  Cue gagging noises and her holding the rice pot as far away from her as possible while she takes it over to the garbage.

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I start laughing.  Well, it was funny.

Then, she has to glove up because as she said, “I’m not touching that with bare hands”.  I think if a hazmat suit had been available, she would have suited up.

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It was then time to interject some motherly advice.  I said, “I bet you’ll remember to clean it after each meal now, huh?  There is a reason I ask you do things within in a certain time frame.  I knew what would happen if you let it go too long.   Your mom does know a thing or two.”

She completely agreed and I don’t think she’ll be forgetting to clean the rice cooker anytime soon.  Sometimes kids have to learn by doing in order to appreciate the wisdom of their parents.

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