Being a Mom

All posts in the Being a Mom category

Living History – A 9/11 Remembrance

Published September 13, 2018 by lynn k scott

As a native New Yorker, I take September 11th very seriously.  Not only was our country attacked, but my home state was attacked.  My daughter is on the cusp of being a teenager (just a few months from now).  This year, I exposed her to what 9/11 really means.

I did my personal remembrance at work.  I posted my favorite songs, shared stories, said more prayers and felt blessed.  I had friends share their memories of the day.  I printed out pictures for the project I would have my daughter complete for her history lesson.

Out of my five children, she wasn’t born when 9/11 took place.  For her, it was a history lesson.  For me, and many others, it was the day the world stood still as we watched in horror as our country was attacked.

When I got home, we opened the laptop, I had her read the memories of family and my friends.  She saw pictures.  Her mouth was opened and she covered her mouth with her hand.  She was being exposed to what evil looked like.  She was exposed to death and terrorism.  Yet, she was also exposed to heroes.  She was exposed to the faith, kindness, love of strangers and to patriotism.

She saw her mother lose composure.  A tear escaped when we were watching images put to Alan Jackson’s, “Where We You When The World Stopped Turning”.  She saw me, got up, gave me a hug and we watched the rest of the video.  She shed a few tears.  It was emotional.  However, my reality was her history.  I, and others, are living history.  I believe it’s important to impart our knowledge with the the next and future generations.

With a few projects under her belt, we brainstormed how to complete her project.  She cut out paper, wrote bits and pieces of what she took away from her “lesson”.  She arranged, glued and taped her project into existence.  I am proud of her work.  I am honored to share such an important day with her.

I am blessed to be able to home educate.  Knowledge doesn’t always have to come from books.  Use the resources around you to live, learn and thrive.

WE WILL NEVER FORGET!

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…Said Every Parent

Published August 14, 2018 by lynn k scott

It’s hard to believe, but I am NOT a Disney fan.  I have been to Disney World twice, when I was a teenager.

That being said, I don’t like crowds; only gets worse as I get older.  I don’t like paying for overpriced trinkets when they are an eighth of the price elsewhere.

I could have made this video.  John Crist did stellar job in summing it all up.  I almost fell off my chair laughing at the homeschool kid bit.  This is truly accurate!  If you are a parent and never felt like any of these scenarios, I consider you a saint.

Enjoy!

 

Back to Home Education

Published August 7, 2018 by lynn k scott

It’s officially less than a week a way:  Back to Educating at Home.

My tween is definitely not looking forward to next week.  Back to a pseudo-routine, new lessons, homework, crafts, physical exercise, learning a new language, formal course (or formal for us) on watercolor and painting.

Throw in weekend field trips, some type of volunteer work or give-back opportunities, learning meal prep, more life skills and it can be a bit overwhelming; esp. while I work a full-time job.

Yet, my working and our home education evenings and weekends with assignments completed during the day, work for us.  Maybe with my daughter choosing to learn Spanish, I’ll improve my skills as well.  There is a small mountain of books for me to go through to prepare her lessons and get myself situated as well.

It is a lot of work home educate (not using a charter).  It’s a lot of work to have a full time job and run a household.  Regardless of how busy it keeps me, this is a special time with my daughter.  We may have mini arguments and attitude about assignment completion, yet, she will remember these days when she has moved onto college and when she starts her own family.

I love the option of not having my daughter receive a cookie-cutter education.  More than that, I love she is receiving a Christian education, with Christian texts, and is able to have Bible as one of her core subjects.

Often times, I will have our pastor look at her text books, esp. when I am really excited to use them.  Ok, that’s where my inner nerd surfaces.  I love books.  I hope my daughter eventually reaches my level of excitement.  She does enjoy going to the bookstore.  I just love reading and if it’s history-based, even better.

One of her projects this year will be to interview various people about their jobs.  While she’s still in junior high, it’s not too early for her to think about what she may want to do as a part-time job in her teens or find something she’s passionate about.  First hand accounts, from people in specific industries, is more valuable than what you can read about a particular job (imo).  It also teaches interviewing and note-taking skills and how to effectively communicate.  This project will span over several years.  I look forward to comparing her first interviews to her last ones and seeing her growth.

I hope you will join us on this year’s educational journey.

More Lil Miss-isms

Published July 26, 2018 by lynn k scott

This is from my (then) five-year old lil miss (she’s almost 13 now).

These are two separate conversations.  In the second one, her brother was on leave and spending his two weeks with us.

Lil Miss: Mommy I’m never going to get a job.
Me: How will you get money then?
Lil Miss: Have garage sales
Me: ummm smh lol

*******************************************
James is brushing his teeth with the water on. The lil miss tells her brother that wasting water is wrong.

I tell her, “it’s ok”. She tells him, “James…Mommy said you are wasting water and it’s not ok.”

Umm….no Mommy didn’t LOL

Pet Peeve

Published July 10, 2018 by lynn k scott

A huge pet peeve of mine is when homeschooling parents encounter parents who say they can’t homescool or couldn’t imagine spending all day.  While, these types of comments are common, what I find some homeschooling parents berate working parents.

wrong way

While I believe homeschooling could be (and should be) an option for every family, it’s doable IF the parent believes they are up for it.  However, to make snide remarks about working parents using brick and mortar schools or daycares to “justify” working so they won’t feel guilty for working because they “choose” to.

learn

I cannot stress enough, working parents are the only ones with the ability to assess their family’s needs.  Do I think public schools are acceptable?  Not in this day and age.  However, that is my opinion.  I also don’t care for public charter schools that offer stipends.  To me, it’s the same public education, with a bit more freedom, but parents are essentially bribed by the stipends to follow the rules by the district.  Yet, it works for many families; just not mine.

setup

I work choose to homeschool, while working full-time, because I believe that’s what’s best for MY family.  We complete new lessons at night, ‘homework’ is completed during the day.  We utilize weekends for completing assignments; if need be.  We also have our field trips on the weekend or I may take off a day here and there to attend special field events not offered on the weekends.

Here’s an idea:  whether you are a stay-at-home parent or a working one, you do what is best for your family.  You decide if you can live on one or two incomes.  Your values are not necessarily the same as someone else’s.  Every famly is unique.  Please be careful painting everyone with the same brush; esp. when they differ with your beliefs.  Homeschooling is challenging enough.  Last I knew, none of us were God, so save your judgement and perhaps offer support instead of criticism.

Parenting Styles

Published June 14, 2018 by lynn k scott

I was listening to K-Love, my favorite Christian radio station, on my way to work, when they brought up a new study.  “Experts” are saying that the authoritative parenting style should be replaced with parents who negotiate with their child(ren).

I was relieved to hear callers to the station completely disagreeing.  One caller even said, “parenting is directing children and negotiations are for hostages”.  I thought that was brilliant.  The woman happened to be a school teacher and expressed how she let her students know their future bosses wouldn’t tolerate them wanting to negotiate everything they were told to do.

It’s not surprising the “experts” are spouting this nonsense.  In today’s world, where even the youngest child gets a say, feelings can’t be hurt, high school students dictate what they will and won’t do, and college students are causing chaos, it’s a sign the authoritative parenting style has fallen by the wayside.

While I my tween daughter and I discuss issues as they arise, there are certain instances when she is to do as she is told; when she’s told to do it.  My house isn’t a democracy; I am in charge.  Kids are still learning how to become productive members of society.  they don’t have all the answers to make informed decisions on their own.  I don’t want to get up and go to work everyday, but I do.  I don’t always agree with my boss, but I still complete the assigned work.  When I was in college, I did the assignments that the professors handed out, because they were in charge during class time.

Our job as parents is to show our children right from wrong.  Everything they do is not up for debate.  It’s ok to tell a child “no”.  In fact, they need to hear it.  It’s ok to put limits on who they hang out with, that they have to tell you where they are going, to monitor their schoolwork and to listen to you without backtalk and/or arguing.  Boundaries are important and it’s something that must be instilled in every child or they morph into today’s “entitled” adults.

Don’t get me wrong, the older a child gets, there is room for them to have more discussions with you.  If they have a valid point, that might influence or change your decision, then by all means, do so.  But there comes a point when they just need to accept the fact they need to follow instructions and they will not get their way.

So, excuse me experts, there is nothing wrong with the authoritarian parenting style.  Perhaps if more parents were committed to teaching proper behavior, that not everyone can be a winner and respect for their fellow man/woman, then we wouldn’t have young adults needing safe spaces or acting like a spoiled toddler throwing hissy fits on their college campus because their feelings were hurt because they heard something they didn’t agree with.  Today’s entitled kids are products of a non-authoritarian environment.  I’m not an expert, by an means, but I sure as hell will not have my daughter turning out like the majority of today’s teens and 20-somethings.

 

The past continues to haunt me

Published June 13, 2018 by lynn k scott

I recently found out my son was getting married.  He is the last of my sons to get married.  I found out, because his older brother mentioned it to me. Back to that in a moment.

I haven’t spoke much about my past (on this topic), but I was married before.  I married at 18-years old and married a VERY abusive man.  I was young and naive.  I don’t regret having four children in my first marriage, but I do regret that he is their father.

I had to literally escape from my ex-husband, in the early morning hours, with only my mother to see off on the Greyhound bus that left NY for CA.  It wasn’t a decision I made lightly, but after two attempts on my life, the joke of legal assistance by NY police and courts, I wasn’t safe.  If I had stayed, my children would have been visiting my grave versus having the option of passing judgement on my decisions and harboring anger toward me.

Long story short, my ex-husband eventually beat a woman he knew, in the face with a brick, over a dispute over $50.00.  The cops failed to do their job.  News staff contaminated the crime scene.  He went to prison on an E-felony instead of a higher charge, which would have kept him behind bars for a longer time.

Needless to say, even 3,000 miles away, I lived my life in fear.  I did attend group counseling for battered women.  At one point, before leaving for CA, I was diagnosed with battered women’s syndrome.  My ex-husband will always be a threat to me.  There is no doubt in my mind.  I haven’t seen him in 21 years and I have no plans to do so.  We only spoke to each other through various court appearances (me appearing by phone).  My children will never know or understand the terror I survived.  While, I have told them I was abused by their father, they don’t have many details or know the extent.  Yet, they still choose him over me.  Simple reason:  I left.

Back to my son getting married.  This son is the one who wants nothing to do with me.  I have been allowed back into my other (adult) children’s lives, in various stages.  I messaged my son and asked for his address to send him a wedding present.  He told me it wasn’t necessary.  I responded that it’s something I wanted to do and I had done the same for his other brothers.

Yesterday, on the anniversary of my sister’s death (one of hardest days of the year) he chose to tell me he didn’t trust me enough with address.  I could give it to his oldest brother to deliver it to him, if I insisted on sending him a gift.

To say I was upset, was an understatement.  Not trust me?  I messaged his brother.  I was expecting some support.  I thought my oldest and I had made a lot of progress.  I was severely mistaken.  He told me he doesn’t accept the choices I made but was trying to understand them.  Then, he felt like twisting the knife that he just lunged into my back, by saying I was lucky any of my kids wanted to have anything to do with me.

WOW!  I had to shut the conversation down.  All the progress I foolishly thought we had made just flew out the window.  At least now I know where I stand; with those two sons.  I also know where I stand with my daughter.

Part of the reason I had my youngest child was 1) my second husband had no children 2) I needed to prove to myself I wasn’t a horrible parent.  I have done everything in my power to be a good mom.

I can’t change the past and I have been trying to make amends for what I felt was the only decision that could be made.  I find it ironic, a convicted, violent felon, who was the reason I left, is more welcomed in their life than I am.

I can only pray one day they will see the light of how serious my situation was at the time.  That my older children will want a relationship with their youngest sibling.  For now, I am done.  The ball in is in their court.  If they choose to end the game, that’s their decision.

 

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