boundaries

All posts tagged boundaries

Parenting Styles

Published June 14, 2018 by lynn k scott

I was listening to K-Love, my favorite Christian radio station, on my way to work, when they brought up a new study.  “Experts” are saying that the authoritative parenting style should be replaced with parents who negotiate with their child(ren).

I was relieved to hear callers to the station completely disagreeing.  One caller even said, “parenting is directing children and negotiations are for hostages”.  I thought that was brilliant.  The woman happened to be a school teacher and expressed how she let her students know their future bosses wouldn’t tolerate them wanting to negotiate everything they were told to do.

It’s not surprising the “experts” are spouting this nonsense.  In today’s world, where even the youngest child gets a say, feelings can’t be hurt, high school students dictate what they will and won’t do, and college students are causing chaos, it’s a sign the authoritative parenting style has fallen by the wayside.

While I my tween daughter and I discuss issues as they arise, there are certain instances when she is to do as she is told; when she’s told to do it.  My house isn’t a democracy; I am in charge.  Kids are still learning how to become productive members of society.  they don’t have all the answers to make informed decisions on their own.  I don’t want to get up and go to work everyday, but I do.  I don’t always agree with my boss, but I still complete the assigned work.  When I was in college, I did the assignments that the professors handed out, because they were in charge during class time.

Our job as parents is to show our children right from wrong.  Everything they do is not up for debate.  It’s ok to tell a child “no”.  In fact, they need to hear it.  It’s ok to put limits on who they hang out with, that they have to tell you where they are going, to monitor their schoolwork and to listen to you without backtalk and/or arguing.  Boundaries are important and it’s something that must be instilled in every child or they morph into today’s “entitled” adults.

Don’t get me wrong, the older a child gets, there is room for them to have more discussions with you.  If they have a valid point, that might influence or change your decision, then by all means, do so.  But there comes a point when they just need to accept the fact they need to follow instructions and they will not get their way.

So, excuse me experts, there is nothing wrong with the authoritarian parenting style.  Perhaps if more parents were committed to teaching proper behavior, that not everyone can be a winner and respect for their fellow man/woman, then we wouldn’t have young adults needing safe spaces or acting like a spoiled toddler throwing hissy fits on their college campus because their feelings were hurt because they heard something they didn’t agree with.  Today’s entitled kids are products of a non-authoritarian environment.  I’m not an expert, by an means, but I sure as hell will not have my daughter turning out like the majority of today’s teens and 20-somethings.

 

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