experience

All posts tagged experience

The past continues to haunt me

Published June 13, 2018 by lynn k scott

I recently found out my son was getting married.  He is the last of my sons to get married.  I found out, because his older brother mentioned it to me. Back to that in a moment.

I haven’t spoke much about my past (on this topic), but I was married before.  I married at 18-years old and married a VERY abusive man.  I was young and naive.  I don’t regret having four children in my first marriage, but I do regret that he is their father.

I had to literally escape from my ex-husband, in the early morning hours, with only my mother to see off on the Greyhound bus that left NY for CA.  It wasn’t a decision I made lightly, but after two attempts on my life, the joke of legal assistance by NY police and courts, I wasn’t safe.  If I had stayed, my children would have been visiting my grave versus having the option of passing judgement on my decisions and harboring anger toward me.

Long story short, my ex-husband eventually beat a woman he knew, in the face with a brick, over a dispute over $50.00.  The cops failed to do their job.  News staff contaminated the crime scene.  He went to prison on an E-felony instead of a higher charge, which would have kept him behind bars for a longer time.

Needless to say, even 3,000 miles away, I lived my life in fear.  I did attend group counseling for battered women.  At one point, before leaving for CA, I was diagnosed with battered women’s syndrome.  My ex-husband will always be a threat to me.  There is no doubt in my mind.  I haven’t seen him in 21 years and I have no plans to do so.  We only spoke to each other through various court appearances (me appearing by phone).  My children will never know or understand the terror I survived.  While, I have told them I was abused by their father, they don’t have many details or know the extent.  Yet, they still choose him over me.  Simple reason:  I left.

Back to my son getting married.  This son is the one who wants nothing to do with me.  I have been allowed back into my other (adult) children’s lives, in various stages.  I messaged my son and asked for his address to send him a wedding present.  He told me it wasn’t necessary.  I responded that it’s something I wanted to do and I had done the same for his other brothers.

Yesterday, on the anniversary of my sister’s death (one of hardest days of the year) he chose to tell me he didn’t trust me enough with address.  I could give it to his oldest brother to deliver it to him, if I insisted on sending him a gift.

To say I was upset, was an understatement.  Not trust me?  I messaged his brother.  I was expecting some support.  I thought my oldest and I had made a lot of progress.  I was severely mistaken.  He told me he doesn’t accept the choices I made but was trying to understand them.  Then, he felt like twisting the knife that he just lunged into my back, by saying I was lucky any of my kids wanted to have anything to do with me.

WOW!  I had to shut the conversation down.  All the progress I foolishly thought we had made just flew out the window.  At least now I know where I stand; with those two sons.  I also know where I stand with my daughter.

Part of the reason I had my youngest child was 1) my second husband had no children 2) I needed to prove to myself I wasn’t a horrible parent.  I have done everything in my power to be a good mom.

I can’t change the past and I have been trying to make amends for what I felt was the only decision that could be made.  I find it ironic, a convicted, violent felon, who was the reason I left, is more welcomed in their life than I am.

I can only pray one day they will see the light of how serious my situation was at the time.  That my older children will want a relationship with their youngest sibling.  For now, I am done.  The ball in is in their court.  If they choose to end the game, that’s their decision.

 

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New Job

Published May 2, 2018 by lynn k scott

I have been looking for another job for quite some time now.  Working in Human Resources can tell you a lot about a company.  It also allows you to know secrets that would completely irritate the rest of the employees, should they ever come to light.

That being said, my current position isn’t good for me.  There are far to many “questionable” decisions for my liking.  Add to that, when we were getting to renew benefits, the owner was going to cut them significantly.  I had posted my resume to see what else was out there.  I couldn’t afford how much I would shell out to cover the benefits my company was.

Long story short, a friend of mine asked if I was getting an assistant and sent me the job link she found.   My boss apparently saw my resume and posted one of their own….to replace me!!!  I had been upfront about how detrimental cutting the benefits would be.  I was basically dismissed from that discussion.  Then, instead of my boss coming to me to discuss why my resume was posted, he chose find someone else to do my job.  Later, after their interviews, it was determined they would “reinvest” in me.  They didn’t know I knew about their interviews for my position and that no one would accept the low pay they were offering.  Why?  I do A LOT for this company, but am severely underpaid; but not according to “the powers that be”.

That situation never sat well with me and I have kept my options open ever since.  On Monday, I had a job interview.  It’s a completely different line of work.  I will assist in running an office and we will start a benefits program; with my help.  My new employer is paying for my current benefits that I will continue on C.O.B.R.A., until we have a new plan in place.  I was hired on the spot.

I get to wear the same clothes that I currently wear to work.  There’s something to be said for not having to dress up every day.  Jeans and tank tops are awesome!!!  It’s a busy office, but I feel my stress level will reduce considerably.  My health has to be a priority.  I already feel a bit relieved having given notice.  A weight definitely has been lifted and prayers have been answered.

They have five dogs at my new job.  So I still can take a break and regroup (if need be) with some pup time.  You’d be surprised how much working with animals can help keep a person balanced.

Today, I discovered, they are going to replace me with an executive assistant.  That ticks me off a bit.  I have been saying for over two years, they don’t want an HR person, but an assistant.  An executive assistant position will probably pay more than my position.  That’s just how this company works.  They pay new people much more than existing staff.

I will complete the rest of this week.  Get through next week, as Friday is my last day.  I will not prepare “how-to” sheets for all the work I do.  After working for a company for five years, you would think management would want to discuss keeping me or at least acknowledge I am leaving.  Not one word.  A few coworkers know, because I told them.  They will be sorry I am leaving.  In part, I believe it’s because no one else knows how to do my job.

It really sucks, working so long for someone to feel this unappreciated.  Five years is a decent amount of time to be with one company.  I guess it’s just too hard to acknowledge I’ve done a good job for them and to wish me well.

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