funny

All posts tagged funny

A Child’s Viewpoint

Published March 17, 2016 by lynn k scott

Last year, this was the conversation I had with my then, 9-year old daughter.  I read it this morning and laughed all over again.  You really have to love a child’s viewpoint.

Lil miss: Mommy? Do you know why we celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day?

Me: Yes, do you?

Lil miss: Yup, because we are leprechauns!

Me: Not quite.

Lil miss: Well look how short we are.

Me: *face palm*

Advertisements

My friend’s son

Published February 12, 2016 by lynn k scott

One of my daughter’s Godmothers, has two boys, ages 5 and 7.  I am always getting updates on the 5 year old and the status of her ever-greying hair.

This morning, she shares a conversation that her 5-year old initiated.

Son:  “Mom.  When my ‘totoy’ get big, it’s showing off its muscles”.

Now, I’m not going to go into the scientific definition of ‘totoy’.  Just know that it’s a male appendage, just south of the torso.

His mom, my friend, had no response other than almost dying.  I, on the other hand, busted out laughing, almost hysterically.

You have to appreciate how kids think and then choose to express themselves.  Their perspective is completely original and they aren’t shy about sharing.

Thank you to whomever created hair dye.  The moms of the world appreciate you!

A letter of apology

Published January 20, 2016 by lynn k scott

Most of you know I have a very forward-thinking, original 10-year old daughter.  That being said, yesterday she surprised me with a note she had written when she had downtime in class.

Like many preteens, as a parent I know nothing.  Many situations are met with eye rolls and exasperated sighs.  She’s developing a healthy dose of sarcasm for her retorts to questions (not sure if I am happy or scared).

I will premise the letter stating she has always been a phonetic speller.  I’m happy with diligent work, she is improving.  When I first read the letter, I was crying (from laughing so hard).

For those of you who don’t read phonetics, here’s the translation:

Dear Mom,

I’m so sorry for fighting with you so much because I’m going through my hormones stuff and it is not a good thing at all right now. I’m just sad that’s all Mom!

 

letter

I really didn’t mean to burst her bubble but she has no idea how good she truly has it.  I mean after all, she’ll be receiving her monthly “friend” in the near future and then I bet she truly will understand what “not good” means.

I love she drew the both of us.  She apologizes and I graciously forgive her.  She hasn’t been that bad, normal kid stuff, but I appreciate the effort she put into this.

I know I’m an awful mom.  Sharing a private letter with the world.  I see a child in touch with her feelings, acknowledging poor behavior and using her manners.  I can’t have failed that much as a parent, right?  I’ve got a few years yet before she tells how I’ve ruined her life and all that, but for now, I’ll take these adorable apologies and remind myself what a good kid I have.

Homeschooling Moment

Published January 14, 2016 by lynn k scott

This “memory” popped up on my Facebook page and I laughed just like I did when this first happened.  Kids…lol

Homeschooling moment:

Finished history unit on George Washington becoming the first President. Unit questions in the back. As usual, my daughter keeps it interesting.

Me: Where does the current President live?

Lil Miss: *omitting the word “current”* She responds, “the grave”. (Thinking about GW)

Me: ummm….true….smh

Diary of a demented snow shoveler

Published January 8, 2016 by lynn k scott

I first read this in an email over a decade ago; probably closer to two decades.

When I first read it, I was laughing so hard, I had tears in my eyes.  I think it was because I could completely relate.  Not that I endured what the man in the following endured, merely because I grew up in Upstate New York and snow was a four-letter word; esp. around January.

I’m sure there are many of you who can relate to this or at least feel a bit of sympathy to a snow-newbie.  Without further delay…..

December 8,   6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again! What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. l don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man – I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8″ last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity’s back on, but had another 14″ of stupid snow last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That stupid snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the restroom. By the time I got undressed, went and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

December 23: Only 2″ of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts? Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.

December 24: 6″ today. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the jerk who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his hair. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at about 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that stupid snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s an idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to kill her.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. THAT WOMAN is driving me crazy!!!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9″ predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

She Got Me

Published January 1, 2016 by lynn k scott

The lil miss just got me good.  We are in the car, listening to music and I say…

“This is John Lennon.  He was with the Beatles.”

She looks at me, shakes her head and says, “DLO”.

I thought maybe she meant I was delusional and couldn’t spell it.  So I ask, “what’s DLO?”

She smiles and says, “spell it backwards”.

I do and start laughing…DLO = OLD. 

Creative appoints awarded to the soon-to-be pre-teen.  Damn she’s good!

Created in His Image

Published November 18, 2015 by lynn k scott

My daughter started at a private, Christian school about a month ago.  We’re finally getting over the homeschool to school hurdle and she’s doing really well there.

Every day when I pick her up, she tells me about her day.  The other day she was telling me what they learned in Bible class.

“Mom, today we learned we are all created in God’s image.  Well except for us girls.  We’re a little messed up in the chest and all; you know puberty and stuff.”

I swear, if I had been drinking anything, it would have been all over my windshield.  I was definitely not expecting that but couldn’t help laugh out loud.  That kid cracks me up.  You know the saying, “out of the mouth of babes…”

Fearless

Diagnosis of a Chronic Disease Turned My World Upside Down

XP NUGGETS

Your daily source of positivity, motivation and inspiration: Available for you in a charming consumable nugget!

Fact Based Truth

Truth based on facts

The Recipe Hunter

Cook and Enjoy

The Purple Almond

Where food is medicine.

Wedbites

"The Most Important Part of the Most Important Day of Your Life"

Mommy Usage

Perfectly Imperfect. Always Working Toward Better.

But I Smile Anyway...

Musings and memories, words and wisdom... of a working family woman

A Thomas Point of View

My high horse journalistic point of view

Agatha Chocolats

Mystery Writer & Chocolate Enthusiast

Jo Robin Blog

2am Conversations ● College ● Unqualified Advice on Adulting ● Awkward Dates ● Catholicism