independence

All posts tagged independence

Now for the curve ball…

Published September 15, 2017 by lynn k scott

I haven’t posted in awhile; longer than it should have been.  I’ve been struggling with my health.  For those of you who follow this blog, you’re aware I am less than a fan of the medical profession.   Ok, ok, I actually loathe it and view dealing with doctors and health facilities as a necessary evil.

I’ve had multiple issues trying to be seen for an ongoing issue.  First specialists were only working when I had to pick my daughter up from school.  Perish the thought they work past 3 o’clock.  Then, I couldn’t find a native English-speaking doctor.  Hold up…hop off that train of thought you are beginning to process.  I had a non-native doctor dismiss my symptoms because she didn’t take me seriously.  When she finds it appropriate to recommend a banana and drinking more water (without knowing my dietary habits), yup, it justifies walking out and asking for a US-born physician.  Heaven-forbid wanting an English-speaking doctor is the sin the medical practice made it out to be.  How dare I? Sorry, hiring native Spanish-speaking, Farsi-speaking, Chinese-speaking doctors, for the comfort of the patient is no different than what I was asking.  All in all, I ended up being banned for my instance on seeing a female doctor; whose first language was English.

Onto waiting for the first of the month to be seen by another practice.  Oh, I’m a new patient and haven’t been “established”.  That means my necessary appointment can wait an additional two weeks while the insurance carrier and practitioner discriminate new and established patients and refuse to give them the next available appointment.

Finally!  I see a doctor.  She regurgitates a peptic ulcer that I was treated for a year ago and I’m there to see her about the same issue as the treatment was effective.  She cannot understand my not wanting a scope stuck down my throat to test for an ulcer that I tell her I am not suffering from; that something else is wrong.  She tells me I have insurance and can’t see the big deal in my refusal.  Ummm…invasive and a 20% copay AFTER a $1500 deductible.  Welcome to the real world, Doc.  I refill the ulcer meds anyway. I message her for three days in a row:  medicine is not working.

I gave up.  She was ignoring me because I refused an unnecessary procedure.  I chose to look the other way regarding my copays and headed to the Emergency Room (ER).  The ER thanked me for coming in.  I apparently have Intussusception.   That’s being caused by Tubulovillous of the colon.

Needless to say, I am already sick of dealing with the G.I. dept, the oncology dept, as well as constant communication with my surgeon.  Yup, next week I go under the knife for a few hours to have a good section of my colon removed.  The ulcer, that two doctors said I have was actually a polyp that grew to be 10-15 cm and is blocking 80% of my colon. I paid copay after copay, because I was in PAIN.  Let me tell you, the pain is nothing short of being in second to third stage labor, for weeks at a time.  I have been trying to resolve this, actively, for over a year.  Doctors:  LISTEN TO YOUR PATIENTS!!!

I’m glad to have a diagnosis and treatment plan.  I’m not happy with knowing, every doctor I have spoken with, while telling me we will have to wait for pathology, believes I have cancer.  We have to wait for the mass to be removed and tested.

I can deal with having cancer, if that’s what the test shows.  Telling my kids, esp. my older children who watched both my parents get diagnosed and ultimately watched my father and sister lose their cancer battles is scary.  Telling my 11-year old, who is basically being raised as an only child is terrifying.  She is already emotional with my first hospital stay and my upcoming surgery and longer hospital adventure. She has heard the word, ‘cancer’, but has no idea what it truly means. Children shouldn’t feel afraid for their parents.

While my family, friends and church have been extremely supportive, whenever you are forced to face your mortality, your brain goes into overdrive.  I have given this to God.  I know he has a plan for me; even if I don’t understand it.  I am used to being independent. I don’t want those who depend on me to worry.  I just pray for strength for my family.

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She talked to me

Published March 25, 2015 by lynn k scott

It’s a double-edged sword watching your youngest child grow up.  While my little one is only nine years old, she is the last of my children.  I’m done.  I have done my Earth-populating duty.  She’s the youngest of five and someone else can pick up the child-bearing slack henceforth.

The other night, while using her “practice” knife (aka a paring knife) to cut tomatoes for tacos, my daughter decided to have a talk with me.  She needed to address some pressing issues.

“Mom.  I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m growing up.  I’m cutting tomatoes, I can make my own eggs, and I’m learning to cook more and more.  You need to work with me.  If I’m old enough to cut tomatoes, I am old enough to cook more on the stove.  I can reach the sink now and do the dishes without a step stool.”

She was so serious; so matter-of-a-fact.  It made me smile she thought she needed to take the initiative and let me know how she’s not a (young) child any more; that I needed let her grow.

I admit, I am a bit sad she’s becoming so independent.  However, not sad enough to begin the procreation process again.  Just making that point clear.  On the flip side of that coin, I enjoy watching her independence grow. My lil miss has been an enormous help in doing daily chores that I just don’t get to everyday.  Granted, she’s motivated by a small allowance, but she still does the chores on her own.  If she forgets, she doesn’t get paid for that day.

Learning to do laundry, learning to cook, learning to shop, learning to make responsible food decisions.  A transformation is taking place and I have a front row seat.  I am in awe and saddened at the same time.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I am doing my job in raising a responsible adult, but I miss my baby.  In my baby’s stead stands a young woman who will continue to grow in body, knowledge and independence.

You Enhance Me

Published March 12, 2015 by lynn k scott

Small trip back in time to the movie release of Jerry Maguire (men shut up and stop groaning).  I was recently separated from an awful and dangerous husband when the movie hit the screen. My favorite scene in the movie took place in the elevator.  A man had signed to his girlfriend “you complete me”.  I thought, “that’s what I want”.  To have a man in my life that completes me.

Years later, after a horrible divorce and getting remarried, I was wrong.  I thought that’s what I wanted.  I grew up thinking women should get married, have kids and have a supportive husband who didn’t mind if she worked too.  I guess I watched one too many “Leave it to Beaver” reruns coupled with “The Cosby Show”.

As my youngest is entering pre-teen stage, starting to discover who she is, I often think of this movie. What I am instilling in my daughter, besides strength, independence, a thirst for knowledge and to question every day ideals, is that a man will not make her complete.  She will already be a complete person.  She will be able to stand on her own two feet.

What a man will do for her is enhance her.  He will add to her values.  He will demonstrate his love.  He will treat her as an equal. He will support her dreams and take her on adventures.  That is what I have told my friends who were a bit (man) distraught; that is what I will tell my daughter. Perhaps in our signing classes, I will teach her to sign, “You enhance me”.  I like the message that phrase sends.

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