life

All posts tagged life

Buh-Bye (Facebook)

Published April 30, 2018 by lynn k scott

I have made the decision to inactivate my Facebook account.  While I have made some amazing friends and have a dozen (or so) friends from church on my page, the ultra-liberalism and negativity of Facebook has become overwhelming.

My life is extremely chaotic and full of serious issues that I have no choice but to deal with.  From dealing with my own cancer diagnosis, my sister’s cancer diagnosis, and some legal issues my a couple of my sons are dealing with, Facebook doesn’t offer the support I need.

I did trial runs, if you will, by shutting off the account for a week or even just a weekend.  I proved to myself, I didn’t need that social platform.  True friends have multiple ways to keep in touch with me.  I started posting more to InstaGram.  I still can see pics of my friends and their children.  I can get spiritual memes from K-Love radio as well.

In my opinion, Facebook has grown too big for it’s britches and I can’t in good conscious support that particular platform any longer.  I have more time for my family and friends, in real life; not online.  It also allows me for more writing here and focusing on what’s important in my life.

I appreciate those who continue to follow me on this crazy journey.  There is definitely more to come….just bear with me.

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IF Table

Published April 22, 2018 by lynn k scott

Yesterday, I attended my first IF Table. It’s a small group meeting through church. A friend actually invited me to go with her. I don’t attend her church, but it’s nice to get together with other women of faith. I wasn’t sure what I was getting into, but I wanted to see my friend and figured this couldn’t hurt.

The IF Table has some cards with questions on them. They provide discussion opportunities for those who attend. While, this group was new to me, the concept wasn’t; as I attend a small group at my church and we have a similar setup.

While I didn’t share, and actually broke down into tears at one point, it was a really nice time. I listened to the other women and their responses, which surprisingly, provided comfort.

The group meets once a month. Depending on my work schedule, I’d like to attend again. In May, I will be working seven days a week, as I was able to pick up a part-time job. I won’t be working both jobs forever, but as donations are down to a trickle, I need the extra income. So, until I have been “cured” of cancer or it kills me, I’ll be busy instead of idle. I need this second job to help keep me busy and focused.

I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and if you’re invited out or you feel like exploring, please join a small group. The small groups allow you to connect and grow in your faith.

I hope everyone has a blessed week.

Cancer Journey: Part 11

Published April 6, 2018 by lynn k scott

It’s been a while since I’ve updated.  I haven’t been able to bring myself to do so.  I’m at the end of my treatment; or so I’m told.  I have 3 days left of meds and I won’t be taking them.  I’m OVER IT!

I’m over people asking me what I’ve done to my hands.  Depending on the person, I just say it’s a medication side effect or my chemo meds did this.  Funny, doctors couldn’t be bothered to tell me how my hands and feet would dry out.  How my skin would peel off in strips (off my feet).  How my hands would crack, bust open and make using my using my hands a luxury.  Can’t even open a bag of dog treats when my fingers have sores on them.  You truly have no idea how much you use your thumbs; until you can’t!

I’m tired of “that look” people give me.  They know I have cancer but the pity look sucks.  I haven’t changed but am now seen as my disease and not the person I was.  I’ve cancelled my upcoming oncology appointment.   Why go?  For her to ask me the same questions she’s asked for the last 6 months?  For her now to tell me to come back in 3 months?  For me to remain in limbo if the cancer is still there or if the poison of chemo actually worked?  I’d rather not waste my time or what little money I have left. I’ll go next month, if I feel up to it.

I have testing that still has to be done and I just don’t want to do it.  Let’s not mention I can’t afford it.  Sutter Health Plus is a joke of insurance.  There are no native-English speaking, female oncologists in my area.  If the insurance is offered for my area, I should have the ability to see a doctor who makes me feel somewhat comfortable.  I should be able to understand her.  I shouldn’t have to discuss very intimate details with a male doctor.  I can waste time traveling over 30-90 minutes away from my home, just to receive the proper care I should already be getting.

I have learned the medical profession has no empathy.  They see cancer patients, day in and day out.  It’s their routine.  They don’t live our lives or suffer our side effects.  A few looks of pity from nurses; maybe.  Doctors just don’t care.  They have a bunch of patients to see and you’re just one of them.

I am angry.  I know the medication has played a role in this.  My emotions are all over the map and I can’t keep them in check.  I have given in to the anger and just want to be left alone.  I have been here before.  It’s a scary place and hard to leave.  I’m pushing people away.  I have deactivated Facebook; for now.  I just don’t want to interact with anyone.

I am creating a bucket list.  I doubt any of it will ever happen. It’s truly the only thing I look forward to; regardless if the items are mostly pipe dreams.  I just continue to work, day in and day out, as if nothing is wrong with me.  I have taken one, half-day, since I started chemo.  The rest of the time, I have been at work.

I continue to pray and I know people are praying for me too.  Right now, it’s not any comfort.  So, it’s just another day in the life, of the average cancer patient.  So, I still exist, but I can’t say I’m living.

 

Treatment Fundraiser

 

Who Can I Trigger?

Published February 16, 2018 by lynn k scott

Trigger, that’s not a word I usually use.  Why?  I feel it’s a word for the younger generation.  I don’t care if you a Generation X, Y, Z or Millennial.  Your character speaks more than the year you were born.  That being said, this blog will probably “trigger” a few of the younger and less conservative followers.  If you don’t follow this blog or know me personally (and some people do), then you should know one of my favorite sayings is, “I’m not a bakery and I don’t sugar coat what needs saying”.  So in the infamous words of Graham Allen….”Heeeeere we go!”

I consider myself an ‘old-school’ mom.  I am the mother of five children; with one child under 18-years old.  I am not a perfect mom.  I made A LOT of mistakes with my older children (another story; another time).  However, I am hell bent on correcting some of those past mistakes with my youngest daughter.

I live in California.  It would be an AMAZING state if not for all the liberals and illegals (not undocumented – ILLEGAL) that are here.  I don’t placate the “entitled ideology” that far to many young adults and their children seem to have.  I have conservative values but also feel I help those in need when I can.

That being said, my take on parenting:  You are NOT there to be a friend to your child.  You are the PARENT!  Rules and accountability are first and foremost. If you think your child is your BFF, he/she is NOT!  They are a child in need of guidance, enforced rules, etc.  That friend you are looking for will be there when adulthood is reached.  For now, focus on raising good kids.  “NO” is not a four-letter word and your kids need to hear it.

I love my daughter with all my heart.  She is spoiled rotten; I admit this.  However, there is a point where she knows what is right and wrong.  Is she allowed to do whatever she wants, whenever she feels like it?  HECK NO!  She is given chores that are to be completed. She used to get an allowance.  When she got a phone, the monthly amount equaled her allowance, no more allowance.  The phone is routinely checked and no downloads without consent.  She gets called out when she gets too sassy.  Respect is a key role to raising kids.  She has manners:  Yes, please.  No, thank you.  Excuse me, ma’am.  She is being raised as a child of Christ.  Ooooh, I went there:  religion.  Yup, I sure did.  I honestly believe, if more people had God in their lives, this world would be a much better place.

I have rarely spanked my youngest.  Why, because rules were set early and more importantly, they were enforced.  My daughter in on the verge of becoming a teenager.  While her hormones are kicking in and sometimes she gets called out a bit more on her at-home behavior, I don’t foresee her being one of “typical teens”.  If she ever went that route, my house would be spotless, because nothing makes you think more about what you’ve done than a few good hours of manual labor.  Has it come to that?  Not even close.  Is it an option (if need be); you bet it is!

Is she allowed to wear make-up?  Nope.  She gets to wait til she is 15.  I allow lip gloss and that’s it for now.  Why?  She’s 12!  She doesn’t need makeup.  A cashier at Ulta even said, “maybe next year she can add mascara”.  Sorry, not happening.  There’s no reason to push her to become older than she is.

Is she allowed to wear ripped jeans, shirts that show cleavage, run around unsupervised with her friends?  Nope!  She may not dress ultra-conservative (she’s not going to a nunnery after all), but she knows what is appropriate.  Has she ever tried to get to get away with pushing the clothing envelope?  Of course.  Then, I tell her to go back upstairs and change.  You know what?  She does.  Why, because she has been taught to listen.  Silly me.  I know the parents of her friends.  Sleepover or movie outing?  I speak with the other parents to make sure we are on the same page.  Get involved!  It’s what you should be doing.

My daughter is also at the age we can cover social topics.  What is appropriate for certain situations.  What would would be the consequences for acting like a fool in public?  Or blowing a potential job interview because your friends or mall time is more important?  How about wanting excess clothing or shoes?  I am proud she gives the appropriate responses.

We have covered race, in a variety of instances.  She’s a bi-racial child who isn’t allowed to use that as a reason something did/did not happen.  There are far too many successful, minority people, to let race stand in their way.  I am proud to say, my daughter doesn’t see color.  She will be anyone’s friend as long as they are respectful and are willing to chat.  Her cultural heritage is important; but she’s an American first.

Oh yea, and we say the Pledge of Allegiance in our home too.  We stand, quietly, with hand over our heart, anytime we hear the National Anthem.  We support the 2nd Amendment. My daughter will be visiting a gun range soon to learn weapon safety and how to shoot.  Take a guess at what I think about gun reform.  I may not own any weapons (currently), but I sure as heck could care less what over-paid, non-working, liberal Democrats think “we the people” are entitled to.

Do you know, my daughter already has the mentality that she will need to get a job, as a teen, to pay for the extras she deems important to her?  Do you know, she’s not dreading that? Why?  She has been taught from an early age:  you work for what you want.  Nothing is given to you and further more, you shouldn’t expect it would be.

I don’t care what someone’s education is.  You work hard and you make progress.  If it’s not within your means, you don’t get to have it.  I wish more people would understand this concept.

So my mini-rant about spoiled, self-centered, entitled parents/children is over.  I believe this country needs to get back to a Christian-based, conservative way of life.  Respect, a hard work ethic and caring for your community and country is needed.  If you are upset about this post, perhaps you might want to re-evaluate why you are now “triggered”.

 

Cancer Journey: Part 7

Published January 12, 2018 by lynn k scott

We’ve all seen the “helpful” pamphlets in the doctor’s office.  They cover a multitude of topics.  My oncologist’s office has a variety; none on colon cancer though.  Regardless of the topic, there is real life information missing from those little brochures.

Things like, how your relationships change with a cancer diagnosis.  It’s hard enough dealing with your own feelings.  You spouse/partner, family members, children all are now thrown in the mix.  It makes it difficult when you look “normal”, but your body makes doing simple things like watching a long movie or cleaning the kitchen a burden.  Let me tell you, my poor house is nothing like it used to be.  I have to give in and admit, I cannot do it all.  I wonder if my family will ever realize that?  I’m not knocking them.  I know they see me as fine, regardless of the endless pills I swallow for two straight weeks.

Another thing missing is what happens if your spouse can’t work; even temporarily?  Does it prepare you to have to surrender a vehicle because you simply don’t have the money to pay for it?  Does the state disability workers care they haven’t processed your claim in over two weeks?  Nope, they don’t; especially because you can’t reach a live person!

Let’s add just a bit of icing to this pamphlet cake of missing information.  Let’s have a clinic director call and “empathize” with you about how horrible cancer is.  Let’s have her say how much she wants me to be able to deal with this, but she cannot produce ONE local support group.  Then let’s have her reference how I work and since my schedule doesn’t accommodate the only group 30 miles away and starts before I could get there, I’m not being flexible.  To add a cherry on this frosted bunch of glossed-over, “we’re here for you” information, that she will compare “if there’s a cure 50-miles away, would it be too far to reach”.

Let’s put this in perspective.  A cure is not a support group.  A cure would negate the need for a support group.  I bet she can’t tell the difference between apples and oranges, either.  To say I’m angry is a true statement.  These medical “professionals” have either been abusive, negligent or completely not interested in hearing me and/or acknowledging me and my need for LOCAL (as in within my own city – not clear across the county) support.

I have found a group of ladies, online, who are fitting my support bill.  They are or have been through the trials and tribulations of the Big C.  I can vent and I’m not called, “inflexible”.  I can ask questions without reaching a never-ending, button pushing, automated system before reaching a nurse with an attitude who simply relays messages to/from my doctor.  Speaking to your doctor on the phone these days is a mortal sin.  You can’t possibly express yourself without the aid of a nurse misinterpreting the reason for your call.

The fundraiser is going ok, but it could be better.  I am only $40 short of being able to afford two more rounds of chemo.  I appreciate all who have, and continue to share my fundraising link.  You really have no idea how much it means to me.

These weekly cancer journey updates are to make those who watch cancer from the sidelines get a front row seat of the reality of what it’s like to deal with cancer.  It’s not about ribbons, even though I use one for this series.  Life isn’t a marketing campaign.  It’s tough, emotional, draining and those who have cancer live with an uncertainty as to what their life will be like, become and how long it will last.

 

A Reason

Published January 3, 2018 by lynn k scott

I can’t imagine what it must be like to tell someone, ‘you have cancer’.  I know what it’s like to find out a family member has it.  I also know what it’s like to hear those words spoken directly to you.

Cancer seems to be dominating my family.  I’m the latest recipient its chosen to challenge.  I refuse to let it remove me from this Earth.  This is a battle I WILL win!  I have started a program for local cancer warriors; in my sister’s name.  With fighting my own battle, I admit, I haven’t done a lot with the program lately.

However, I believe my own battle with colon cancer has shown me a reason for my fight.  It is utterly amazing how horrible insurance co-payments are in regards to paying for medications, doctor visits and tests.  The apathy is overwhelming.  It’s not like medical professionals know what patients are dealing with.  Non-profit foundations, that advertise co-payment assistance are nothing short of laughable.  They either refuse to assist if you have commercial insurance or funding just isn’t available.  Many will only cover Medicare or the uninsured.  Other programs are drug-specific and if you have a unpopular cancer, then your chances for assistance decline even further.

I have decided, once I beat my cancer, I will be diligently working on making the Kathi Cares Program a nonprofit.  The focus will still be supporting local cancer warriors.  However, the primary focus will shift to aiding those who need monetary assistance with prescription (and care) co-payments.

I want the assistance to be available almost immediately versus putting the applicant through weeks’ worth of waiting and worry on how they are going to cover the necessary medication or office visits.

If this is the reason I was destined to go through my own cancer battle, then challenge accepted.  I struggle with the ability to afford my own treatment.  I do have a fundraiser to aid in that.  I am too young for my cancer (as I am repeatedly told), but I have yet to find funding to assist me.  This is my only option, until I can get another job to help me pay for my treatment.

I will beat this and then I will help those who are experiencing what I am dealing with.  Together, we can make a difference.  Together we are a community.

New Word: 2018

Published December 12, 2017 by lynn k scott

Years ago, a friend told me about a practice of picking a new word to represent you through the upcoming year.  Face it, resolutions are great for a few weeks and then our true nature breaks through and we revert back to our old habits.  Ok, a few people stick with them, but the majority doesn’t.

I was one of those people.  State your resolution, post how great you’re doing and then the topic suddenly stops coming up.  That’s why I love picking a word to represent me.  I honestly reflect on previous years.  What has happened, how I handled things, who came into or left my life, etc.

  • 2015:  Perseverance
  • 2016: Genesis
  • 2017:  Influence

All these words turned out to be extremely relative for the year they represent.  With the new year only a few weeks away, it’s time to make the word selection that I will take into 2018.  After careful consideration, the word I choose is,

SIMPLE

Why Simple?

In 2017, there have been new influences on how I view life.  I have met some AMAZING people this year.  I have received tremendous support.  I have reflected on my life, up to this point and time.  What does it come down to?  Living a simple life.  I have everything I need (except a cure).

Life really doesn’t need to be as complicated as we make it.  I am as guilty of this as the next person.  Simplifying how I choose to live will help declutter my mind and my life.  A better devotion to Christ, realizing how important family is, having friends that support you are simple ways to have a very rich life.

There you have it:  A SIMPLE recipe for the upcoming year.

Will you join me in selecting a word instead of making a resolution that you may or may not see through?  Please comment with your word if this inspires you to follow suit.

 

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