reality

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Cancer Journey: Part 12

Published April 20, 2018 by lynn k scott

My oncologist was nice enough to respond to a message I sent her office yesterday with, “what happened to the oncologist we referred you to”?   While I am not a fan of this doctor, there are literally no other doctors in the area that won’t cause me to lose at least half a day, if not a whole day from work, for each appointment.  She might as well have asked, “why are still part of my practice”?

Seems cancer wasn’t done messing with my life.  The other day, I received a message from my youngest sister’s best friend.  She found me through Facebook and sent me a private message.  I haven’t spoken to my sister in over four years.  Seems my sister was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer.  It’s the same strain that took my other sister’s life.  The same sister this page honors (or tries to).

I’m not sure where our relationship is headed.  I was beyond hurt by her actions several years ago and firmly believe she was in the wrong.  I may not have been right, but I wasn’t allowed to see if I was or not.

That being said, we exchanged some messages.  She learned of my cancer.  I never told anyone who wasn’t in my life.  I didn’t want pity and I didn’t want them to care out of obligation.  I’m lucky I didn’t wear make up when I found out, because I did shed some tears.

I then thought I still have a chance of still getting breast cancer.  Having done battle with my current diagnosis, I’m not sure I could handle another one.  Then, my thoughts moved to that of my 12-year old daughter and granddaughter.  They would need to be tested in their 20s because of the family history.  I pray a cure is found before that needs to happen.  Am I holding my breath for that to happen?  Absolutely not.  I know cancer is a money maker for Big Pharma and the doctors who treat it.  They don’t want a cure because then they will lose billions of dollars with their poisonous drugs; all in the name of “treatment”.

While I keep saying I’m going to drink, I probably won’t.  Don’t need a hangover and try to get up for work.  I’m emotionally numb to this latest cancer revelation.   On the flip side, I have no tolerance for the medical world now.  I am done being nice.  I will not be placated.  I advised my oncologist’s office of my sister’s diagnosis.  Silly me thought they would know ‘kid gloves’ were now needed in dealing with me.  They are truly clueless.

As my youngest daughter has dubbed me, “NY Mommy” when I deal with anyone in the medical profession, I have chosen to embrace that term.  I no longer feel obligated to put up with medical nonsense.  I am in charge.  They either will understand this the easy way, or they will kick me out of the practice because they chose the hard way.  At this point in my life, I really don’t care either way.

I realize this isn’t Christ-like behavior.  However, I’m so overwhelmed lately, this is all I can manage.  I pray for grace and the ability to handle this situation better.  If it comes to pass, then it’s His will.  Til then, NY Mommy is in the house!

This is the reality of a cancer patient.  Pretty ribbons are nice, they have meaning, but it’s not the true showing of what cancer patients go through.  That’s what these blog posts are about.

I’m still adding my fundraiser link because I have still have expensive testing/scans that need to take place.  Any monies above that, I will donate to my sister because she’s feeling the crushing expenses of having a cancer diagnosis.

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Now for the curve ball…

Published September 15, 2017 by lynn k scott

I haven’t posted in awhile; longer than it should have been.  I’ve been struggling with my health.  For those of you who follow this blog, you’re aware I am less than a fan of the medical profession.   Ok, ok, I actually loathe it and view dealing with doctors and health facilities as a necessary evil.

I’ve had multiple issues trying to be seen for an ongoing issue.  First specialists were only working when I had to pick my daughter up from school.  Perish the thought they work past 3 o’clock.  Then, I couldn’t find a native English-speaking doctor.  Hold up…hop off that train of thought you are beginning to process.  I had a non-native doctor dismiss my symptoms because she didn’t take me seriously.  When she finds it appropriate to recommend a banana and drinking more water (without knowing my dietary habits), yup, it justifies walking out and asking for a US-born physician.  Heaven-forbid wanting an English-speaking doctor is the sin the medical practice made it out to be.  How dare I? Sorry, hiring native Spanish-speaking, Farsi-speaking, Chinese-speaking doctors, for the comfort of the patient is no different than what I was asking.  All in all, I ended up being banned for my instance on seeing a female doctor; whose first language was English.

Onto waiting for the first of the month to be seen by another practice.  Oh, I’m a new patient and haven’t been “established”.  That means my necessary appointment can wait an additional two weeks while the insurance carrier and practitioner discriminate new and established patients and refuse to give them the next available appointment.

Finally!  I see a doctor.  She regurgitates a peptic ulcer that I was treated for a year ago and I’m there to see her about the same issue as the treatment was effective.  She cannot understand my not wanting a scope stuck down my throat to test for an ulcer that I tell her I am not suffering from; that something else is wrong.  She tells me I have insurance and can’t see the big deal in my refusal.  Ummm…invasive and a 20% copay AFTER a $1500 deductible.  Welcome to the real world, Doc.  I refill the ulcer meds anyway. I message her for three days in a row:  medicine is not working.

I gave up.  She was ignoring me because I refused an unnecessary procedure.  I chose to look the other way regarding my copays and headed to the Emergency Room (ER).  The ER thanked me for coming in.  I apparently have Intussusception.   That’s being caused by Tubulovillous of the colon.

Needless to say, I am already sick of dealing with the G.I. dept, the oncology dept, as well as constant communication with my surgeon.  Yup, next week I go under the knife for a few hours to have a good section of my colon removed.  The ulcer, that two doctors said I have was actually a polyp that grew to be 10-15 cm and is blocking 80% of my colon. I paid copay after copay, because I was in PAIN.  Let me tell you, the pain is nothing short of being in second to third stage labor, for weeks at a time.  I have been trying to resolve this, actively, for over a year.  Doctors:  LISTEN TO YOUR PATIENTS!!!

I’m glad to have a diagnosis and treatment plan.  I’m not happy with knowing, every doctor I have spoken with, while telling me we will have to wait for pathology, believes I have cancer.  We have to wait for the mass to be removed and tested.

I can deal with having cancer, if that’s what the test shows.  Telling my kids, esp. my older children who watched both my parents get diagnosed and ultimately watched my father and sister lose their cancer battles is scary.  Telling my 11-year old, who is basically being raised as an only child is terrifying.  She is already emotional with my first hospital stay and my upcoming surgery and longer hospital adventure. She has heard the word, ‘cancer’, but has no idea what it truly means. Children shouldn’t feel afraid for their parents.

While my family, friends and church have been extremely supportive, whenever you are forced to face your mortality, your brain goes into overdrive.  I have given this to God.  I know he has a plan for me; even if I don’t understand it.  I am used to being independent. I don’t want those who depend on me to worry.  I just pray for strength for my family.

Being MIA

Published April 28, 2015 by lynn k scott

I’d like to apologize for being MIA the last couple of weeks.  Life has chosen to be challenging again in a myriad of ways.  In addition to Life acting like a premenstrual teenager combined with a man who has the flu and is “dying”, the month of June is fast approaching.

Those who follow the Pink Herald know June is the month I lost my sister in 2012 and then my mother in 2013.  It’s also the month I married my ex-husband, the month my childhood friend was killed (on my 3rd wedding anniversary), and the month one of my aunts died.

I continue my efforts to raise funds for Relay for Life.  I look forward to completing laps around the high school, as I represent my team and honor my sister.  At the same time, it’s saddening and overwhelming.

Work has been insanely busy.  I actually have been working during work hours (strange concept, I know).  I have been coming in early and working through lunches.  No one wants my job, so at least that’s a good thing.  I think.

The lil miss is doing well in school.  We are covering multiplication and she does really well at it.  She can do 70 problems and sometimes only gets 1 or 2 problems incorrect.  She actually looked forward to today’s chapter test!

I bought her a journal that discusses growing up, hygiene, personalty, etc.  Last night we completed a page that she circled adjectives that described here.  Then she had to choose three and write why they suited her.  Well, the little stinker went for shock value.  She stole the smile from the Cheshire cat.  She was beaming at my reaction to her sentences.  Lazy

My daughter LOVES to sleep in. She loves the weekend for this reason.

She doesn’t hate school.  She has fun with art and dance and anything creative.  She adores 20150427_182529washing dishes too!

I will try my best to be here a bit more often, but at the moment, I’m finding out who my true friends are.  It’s reached that stage in my support system.  I know I will meet these life challenges, but it would be nice to not be tested so often.

Side note:  If anyone knows any NY lawyers, who shouldn’t be chained to the bottom of the Hudson River, who would like to put a system-abusing, money-sucking leech in his place (pro bono), feel forward to share this blog link!

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