remembering

All posts tagged remembering

Will You Remember Me?

Published June 27, 2017 by lynn k scott

Tomorrow will mark 10 years since my father passed away.  In the last two weeks, I have remembered the loss of my sister and mother.  I have lost three family members; all in the month of June.  All by the time I was 41 years old.

Mortality is in the forefront of my mind. It’s hard to ignore it.  All three of them had cancer, two were defeated by it and one passed, due to illness complications.  So, yes, wondering if I will meet an early demise, in June (no less), brings up lots of questions.

I didn’t have the best relationship with my father, but my sister’s and mother’s deaths hit me hard and their angelversaries elicit uncontrollable emotions.  There are specific things that I remember about each of them.

Remembering Dad:

  • Cook
  • Hot-tempered
  • Alcoholic
  • Recovering Alcoholic
  • Sports fan (Mets/Giants)
  • Friend to Chuck
  • Unable to show love to his family

Remembering Mom:

  • Faithful
  • Hard Worker
  • Loyal
  • Dedicated
  • Friend
  • Compassionate
  • Horrible Cook
  • Family-oriented

Remembering Sis:

  • Stubborn
  • Opinionated
  • Argumentative
  • Loyal friend
  • Loved the outdoors
  • Gardener
  • Dedicated mother
  • Straight-forward
  • Couldn’t cook rice (LOL to the family)

Gets me to thinking how, or even if, my children will remember me.  There’s history that hasn’t been discussed on this blog.  My youngest child will be the affected the most.  I can’t say the other children will be that upset or even care.  It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but I am not ignorant to my reality either.

What will my friends think of me?  Will I have a large attendance at my funeral? Probably not.  I can’t see that.  I’ve done a lot of personal reflection.  I am planning the details of my funeral.  I never want to have to put someone through that.

Death is inevitable.  I choose not to fear it.  I believe God has chosen my path.  It certainly hasn’t been an easy road to follow, but I will continue on it until I am called home.

 

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Where were you……?

Published September 11, 2015 by lynn k scott

Today is September 11, 2015.  Today marks the anniversary of an historical attack on U.S. soil that took place 14 years ago. It’s a day I will never forget.; just like those who remember Pearl Harbor, the Berlin Wall crumbling, etc.

I live on the West Coast now and was living here during the attacks.  However, my home state is New York.  I remember heading to class that morning where it was discussed.  That didn’t prepare me for walking into work later that morning.  I was the only New Yorker in the office.  I shared a cubicle with a supervisor, who had her radio on and we were hanging onto every word that was aired.

No less than 30 people came up to me to check on me and my family.  I was blessed to grow up a couple hours outside of New York City.  My family was safe.  I did call my mother.  New York was a mess.  The phones were ringing off the hook.  It was hard communicating with anyone inside NY City at the time.  I received an update that my childhood best friend, her sister and her mother had moved to NY City.  My friend worked in the North Tower.  She made it out safely.  I wouldn’t know that information until hours later. I too, had to sit and wait for an update, like everyone else.

I didn’t make it work for more than hour.  The amount of people checking in on me, was making me physically ill.  Their concern was appreciated, but knowing I waiting to hear if my friend was alive or dead was just too much.  I left work in tears; I had to go home.

So, as Alan Jackson sang, “Where were you when the world stopped turning”?  Please feel free to share your memory.

I will never forget!

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Completed the Relay for Life (2015)

Published July 13, 2015 by lynn k scott

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I completed my first 24-hour Relay for Life this past weekend (July 11-12).  Next year, I hope to serve on the committee for the planning and running of the Relay.  I was fortunate to have a great co-captain.  Nicole and I kept each other motivated and we worked really well as a team.

It was a good “get your feet wet” type of event.  All in all, I walked a total of 17+ miles by the time we completed the final lap.  My nine year old daughter stayed with me the for the entire event as well.  She completed about 3 miles on her own.  I’m very proud of her for sticking it out.  She was enamored with sleeping outside in a tent for the first time.

With each lap completed, you get the opportunity to pick up a bead to represent that lap.  You choose the color(s) that work for you.  I chose beads to represent the cancers in my family:  Stomach, Breast, Lymphoma, Brain and Lung.

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The wind was not our friend.  It tried to take out booth and chuck it at the fire department across the track.  Thankfully, our neighboring booth, had someone who staked it down for us.  Next year, we will be prepared for the wind with weights and our our own stakes.

I also learned, I am not meant to sleep on the ground.  Since I don’t go camping much, I will invest in a good sleeping blanket and a cot to put that sleeping blanket on.  Being as this was my first time captaining a team, I think we did rather well.

One of the really fun parts of the Relay was the “Mr. Dixon” contest.  Guys and boys dressed up as women, many donning pink, and walked around collecting money.  The won who collected the most, was then named, “Mr. Dixon”. I couldn’t resist a photo and actually got a picture with him!

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The luminaria ceremony was especially difficult for me.  We heard two speakers; both survivors.  The second speaker was 18 years old and a 12-year survivor.  Her words were moving and powerful.  When she read the poem, “What Cancer Cannot Do”, the flood gates opened.  I had read that as the closing of my sister’s eulogy.  Then there was the slideshow.  Seeing her on the screen sent me running for the bathroom.  I was sick to my stomach because of all the emotion.  I really am glad it was at night. There was no one to see my tears.

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We woke up around 3:00 a.m. and started our morning.  The nice part of waking so early is you get to see a beautiful sunrise. A reminder that it’s a new day with new opportunities.  Another day to make a difference.

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I did enter a raffle for a painting that moved me as soon as I saw it.  It’s an acrylic painting that was done by a local artist.  I paid my $5.00 in raffle tickets and put them all in the painting raffle.  After I woke up the next morning and resumed my laps around the track, the entire team stopped me.  They remembered me and why I entered the raffle; told them about my sister.

They were so pleased to inform me that I had won.  I started crying again.  The person I had spoken with about why I was drawn to it, actually cried when my name was pulled.  She knew it would mean the                                                                                        world to me.  I received several hugs from that team.

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It’s amazing the love and support at flows freely at the Relay for Life.  There is no judgement.  We are all there for such a great cause.  Whether you are there to help set up, work registration, are a survivor, a team captain, walking a few laps, making a donation or simply encouraging others, your dedication to the cause is valued.

It’s been 3 Years

Published June 12, 2015 by lynn k scott

Today marks the third anniversary of my sister losing her breast cancer battle.  I apologize for not keeping up the blog.   This week has been a bit intense.  I have been consumed with canning and preparing fresh meals.

I realized yesterday, I deal with Kathi’s passing differently as the years go by.  The first year, I just cried.  I kept reading old emails and texts from her.  Last year I remembered her through the music she enjoyed.  This year, it was canning and cooking. I’ve only been canning a little over three years now.  One of the last conversations Kathi and I had, before the cancer took a turn for the worse, was how she was going to start canning in the summer.  I had sent some of the apple butter, I had canned, back home.  She never made it to summer.

coleslaw

Mayo-Free coleslaw

This week, I have been obsessed with canning and preparing everything fresh. Not sure why it didn’t hit me before last night. I rarely can during the week.  Sometimes, I will process a batch of vegetable stock on a Monday.  I’ve made and canned apricot jam and vegetable stock this week.  Last night I cooked black beans and made a mayo-free coleslaw.

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Apricot Jam

I have purchased potatoes, jalapeno and serrano peppers and blueberries.  I will be making potato salad and some jelly and preserves before the weekend is out.  It’s almost a compulsion to get these things accomplished.   I now know it’s me keeping busy.  I know it’s how I’m coping.

Just long for the day I don’t have survivor’s guilt that I outlived my younger sister.  I long for the day where the sadness isn’t all consuming.  I know there’s no limit on grief.  I know it gets a little easier as time passes.  I know my life has been profoundly changed with her passing.

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Vegetable Stock

As today is my sister’s angelversary, I’m attaching my team Relay for Life link.  Together we can end cancer.  Together we can stop cancer so there are no more angelversaries because of this horrible disease.

Relay for Life

Follow us on Facebook:  Team – I’m Going To Love You Through It

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