“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” (Khalil Gibran)
“We’re put here on Earth to learn our own lessons. No one can tell you what your lessons are; it is part of your personal journey to discover them. On these journeys we may be given a lot, or just a little bit, of the things we must grapple with, but never more than we can handle.” (Elisabeth Kubler-Ross)
The Relay for Life I am participating in is just around the corner. I didn’t handle Kathi’s angel-versary well at all. I was a mess. My body once again betrayed me. Now when I cry, I get these red, crescent moon-shaped circles under my eyes. They don’t go away for almost half a day and are very noticeable. So much for blaming allergies…sheesh!
On a more positive note, my fundraising has gone better than I could have ever anticipated. My combined total (2 different Relay donations) is $430! My original goal was $100.
The tattoo fundraiser I set up, netted $245 in donations. My coworkers have been a wonderful source of support for the Relay. They have bought quite a bit of the jam and preserves I have been making and canning. With some private donations, that made up the other $185.00.
Next year, my personal goal will be set at $500.00. If I can raise over $400 this year, I need to set my goal higher and work to achieve more.
While my sister has left me here among the living, she is still a source of inspiration and strength. She would be be so proud of my efforts. She would tell me she knew I could do it. I decided to have a shirt made to wear the day of the Relay. It was a little big, as they sold guy shirts.
What’s a girl to do? Customize it of course! The airbrushing came out AMAZING! Just need to make the shirt work for me. First to go…the sleeves. Sleeves are so confining. Ok, yes, I’m partial to tank tops. I cut off the sleeves and since it’s a guy’s shirt, you can see a little skin near my ribs now.
That’s an easy fix…sports bra and spaghetti strap undershirt. Either way, that makes for a comfy shirt; esp. if I sneak a nap in so I can walk most of the evening hours.
The other “fix” is the length. I’m just going to rubber band the excess on my hip. Heck ya…bring back the 80s!!! Kathi woudl definitely approve of that.
My sister was a fighter. On July 11, 2015, I will be fighting, with other survivors, caregivers, family and friends who have lost precious loved-ones to Cancer.
Together we will find a cure!
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“I think you make the best with what you’ve got, you know? Sometimes you have very little. And you just always try to rise to higher ground, because you’re going to suffer one way or the other, so you just hope that you have strength and perseverance and good friends and faith, some kind of faith, to endure and move on to greener pastures.” (Pierce Brosnan)
“We may get knocked down on the outside, but the key to living in victory is to learn to how to get up on the inside.” (Joel Osteen)
You promised you’d love me “til death do us part”.
You promised to protect and care for me in “sickness and in health”.
You broke your promise.
You hurt me.
You beat me.
You insulted me.
You made me ashamed.
You crushed my will and my spirit.
I summoned strength.
I sought my inner-courage.
I rose from your feet where you’d beaten me down.
I left you.
Your heart turned black.
You only know how to attack.
You no longer can feel.
I still suffer.
Not at your hand, but in my heart.
You’ve taken all I had.
Yet, you still want more.
You don’t care and you can’t see it,
But you’ve finally broke me,
As I fell to my knees and sobbed on the floor.
Written by Lynn K. Scott (4/21/15)
“It’s so curious: one can resist tears and ‘behave’ very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer… and everything collapses. ” (Colette)