Facebook was nice enough to remind me of a short poem I wrote five years ago. I had forgotten about it; really. It was a time when I was trying to keep busy; be normal.
It was my son’s first (and only, if i get my wish) deployment. I was a mess and writing helped. I wrote to those deployed, other military moms and even new Gold Star moms (hard to do with a deployed child).
I am passionate about supporting our military because I know how much it helps their morale; esp. when being so far from home. I will be sharing more about that and how others can help, but for now…a simple poem that gave me something to look forward to…
I have a spot on the floor Right near the front door There’s supposed to be a pair of boots there But I can’t find them anywhere I know where they’ve gone
Hopefully, it won’t be too long
For them to be replaced
And I see my son’s smiling face!
If you have a Facebook account, you might be familiar with a semi-new feature called, “On this day”. It allows you to look back on your posts that you made that day, from years ago. Some days, the memories are ones I don’t care to remember. Others are one that I can’t believe I had forgotten or immediately bring a smile to my face.
Since 2012-2013, when I discovered I had Celiac’s Disease, during one of the hardest times in my life, losing my sister and mother within a year of each other, I started undergoing a body transformation.
Can I pinpoint exactly what has caused the weight-loss I experienced? No. There’s been a combination and I to say which one has done more is virtually impossible. Obviously, having to change my diet to a gluten-free one was a factor. Having a stress-level, that probably reach an unhealthy level was another. Then there were the days and weeks that I was accidentally “glutened” or just didn’t care and ate food that would hurt me. My body responded appropriately and emptied my system (rather violently at times) and/or caused great pain to remind me that I can’t do that. Eating healthier, giving up soda, becoming addicted, and competitive, on with my basic FitBit, drinking more water has all played a factor in my weight loss.
So what does this have to do with Facebook? On July 6, 2016, I had “memories” to look back on and there was one from 2013. I couldn’t believe looking at the picture how much I had changed. Ironically, that morning, I had my daughter take a full body pic of me (almost never do this). I had her do it because I liked the comfy outfit I was wearing and the jeans now another size smaller.
I decided to put the two pictures side by side. I was blown away. So much so, I shared it with my Facebook friends. Those who know me, know I don’t share many pictures of myself, esp. full body ones. Even my eldest child, who loves to give me grief and isn’t known for compliments, gave me credit for my dramatic change. I didn’t spend money I didn’t have on a gym, diet pills, or even increase my exercise level dramatically. I walked a bit more and watched what I was eating. Ok, I had to watch what I was eating because of the Celiacs, but it was still an opportunity to evaluate my food and beverage choices. I occasionally will have a soda from time to time or on a bad day, eat half a tub of ice cream, but I still am dropping the weight because I choose to make a conscious effort.
I never thought I would lose as much weight as I have; over 40 pounds. It’s staying off because it’s been gradual. Slow and steady wins the weight-loss race.
“Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations about your day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress management, which is perhaps the most important ingredient to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life.” (Marilu Henner)
The last few days I have been recovering from a Celiac attack. Nope, I didn’t even eat anything I wasn’t supposed to. This was the first time, I’ve had a major attack that was caused by stress. It took me a couple days, as I was finally recovering, to piece it all together.
My ex-husband is up to his same old tricks. I, of course, legally get copies of his nonsense (long story). I know I have come so far from the shell of the battered woman, that left New York, via Greyhound, at 5:00 a.m., almost nineteen years ago.
Yet, reading slanderous lies, defaming accusations and making himself out to have changed, slammed by stress level so hard, you’d have thought it was a Nascar vehicle hitting a wall at top speed.
Reading how that monster is accusing me of stalking him because I stated relevant facts or that he isn’t the same person he was 20 years ago, made my stomach crawl. Beating a women in the face with a brick for $50 (less than a decade ago), having your ex-fiancee putting a restraining order out on you, stealing your kids paychecks and giving them an allowance from that; nope, not the same man he was 20 years ago…WORSE! I correct my legal name (removing his) and he took the opportunity to add his name in parentheses every time he wrote my name (real mature there).
I’ve spent days in agony because of this attack. I know his lies aren’t real yet they cut me to the bone as if I was being gutted like a deer by a hunter. My life was put on hold because of an illness I can’t control.
Almost two decades later, he thinks he’s been wronged. He lost control of me (his perception) and he has vowed to ruin me financially. While the physical abuse may have stopped, he’s quite adept in mental abuse. He’s truly clueless; as are most abusers who see nothing wrong with their actions.
I accept this is my cross to bear for the next year and a half. I just wish some of the pain would diminish. I’ve moved on; sadly, he hasn’t.