thinking

All posts tagged thinking

Cancer Journey: Part 8

Published January 19, 2018 by lynn k scott

I went to the oncologist yesterday and was told I can see her every six weeks verses three weeks.  I guess that’s progress.

A small victory is being overshadowed by a side-effect of being on oral chemotherapy.  While I have less issues than someone going through IV chemo, there are still side effects to endure.  No matter which chemo you are on, “chemo-brain” will invade your daily functioning; just like the cancer itself.

I recently said that I felt like a defective typewriter.  Now, if you’ve seen the movie, “Grease”, you know that line and who said it.  While I know I’m not pregnant (what it originally referred to), my mind does not work like it used to.  I feel like I’ve been crossed with someone who’s had a stroke and someone who has dementia.

What I mean by that is, I forget a lot of stuff now.  I originally was using the calendar and note features on my phone, however, it was a lot of data to keep typing in.  When you have your fingers drying out and splitting open (another side effect), a simple act like entering text becomes challenging on an entirely other level.

I have purchased a planner that I can write everything into.  It’s easier to make the entries (not as painful).  In addition to tracking my chemo treatments, the never-ending doctor appointments and blood draws, it reminds me of simple things I would never enter; my daughter’s sleepovers, church, bible study, pay a bill, a reminder to speak to someone, etc.

Aside from being forgetful, what I am thinking, doesn’t reach my mouth to be said the way I thought it or I can’t figure out what I need to do to make it happen.  Now, I’m guilty of saying things I shouldn’t. It’s hard to explain, as an example escapes me at the moment.  I’ll make several attempts to do or say something.  Sometimes, even writing something down, I use the wrong word.  I know it’s wrong and I have to rewrite it; sometimes multiple attempts to get it right.

I’m a very organized, thought-out, planning, A-type personality person.  While this chemo-brain can be amusing, to family and friends (esp. in the beginning), it’s extremely frustrating.  It’s bad enough dealing with cancer, but now your brain isn’t responding the way it used to.  It’s hard to be normal, when your mind won’t communicate with your body.  Knowing, you can’t fix it.  Knowing it’s going to stay with you while you’re being treated.  Knowing it’s going to get worse.  Praying it goes away when the medication consumption does.

I know change is a part of life.  I know bad things happen to good people.  I know this was my choice to consume this poison because Big Pharma is more interested in profits than a cure.  I know all of this and still I question if this is my new normal.  I’m not ready to accept that it is.  In fact, I pray it isn’t.

“Chemo-brain” makes us work twice as hard to do what we used to with ease.  It’s just one more way cancer robs us of independence and our former self.

Please take a moment to view/donate/share my fundraising link.

Chemo Medication Fundraiser 

 

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QOTD: Topic – Being Positive

Published March 1, 2017 by lynn k scott

“Positive thinking is more than just a tagline. It changes the way we behave. And I firmly believe that when I am positive, it not only makes me better, but it also makes those around me better.”

Harvey Mackay

Giving It Some Thought

Published January 18, 2016 by lynn k scott

Have you ever written something you weren’t sure you wanted to share?  Perhaps the mere exercise in writing was what you were really after?

I wrote a piece recently that I was on the fence about posting.  After posting it and giving it some time, I decided it would best if I removed it.  I didn’t receive any negative comments or anything, it’s just it was such a personal piece that I think it’s just better stored to my flash drive then available for the viewing audience.

I carry my flash drive with me everywhere I go.  Reason being, is for something just like this.  I want to keep my written thoughts, just not always on WP.

Has anyone else done this?

Oldies

Published August 26, 2015 by lynn k scott

Yes, my lil miss was at it again…

In the car this morning and realizing knowledge is a great thing until it comes back at ya in the form a 9-year old.

In car this morning…hear “Money for Nothing”. I turn it up. The lil miss says, “ugg. Mom, no kid likes this oldies music”. I bit my bottom lip just smiled.

Lil miss: “Mom, why are you doing this (imitating my face)?
Me: Because this way, I won’t knock you into next week (j/k).
Lil miss: You know it’s literally impossible to knock a person into next week, right? (insert smug face here)

All my fault for teaching her to think and talk.  Ahh my lil miss.

Circle of Life

Published March 24, 2015 by lynn k scott

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Yesterday, for our art class, my daughter tried soap carving for the first time.  It’s a relatively cheap, fun and engaging activity. First, I had her take a plastic, serrated knife and sand down the serrations, until it was smooth.  Now she had a knife that will work to help her carve.  I also gave her a wooden food skewer, in case she wanted to make fine lines in her carving.

The goal was not to be able to recognize what she created.  The goal was for her to feel the texture of the soap; see how it reacted to her tools.  I want her to experiment with her new medium and get comfortable using it.  After she’s gone through a few bars, then templates will be introduced.

When we do art, it’s what’s called “process art”.  It doesn’t require a recognizable, specified outcome.  Instead, it relies on the steps of learning and knowing your medium.  It’s creating where the inspiration takes you.  It’s using specific items to learn how they work together.

Most schools rely on “teacher art”.  It’s where there are pre-cut items, assembled in a specific order, to create a specified outcome.  It limits creativity and pits children against each other to see who did it “right”.  It’s been proven around 9-12 years of age, is when children become overly critical of their own work as they compare it to other students’ work.  This is the time when many will decide they “hate art” and that perception will stay with them.

I was humbled when I was told yesterday, “When I was growing up, I would have loved the support and encouragement you are giving by allowing her to develop her creativity on her own.”  The person who said that is a professional artist.  I hold his opinions in high regard and appreciate all the support he offers me.

This soap carving is called, “The Circle of Life”.  The circle is surrounded by a cloud sitting among other clouds (the shavings).  This is what my daughter relayed to me when she finished her carving.  This is what she came up with.  As any good artist does, she names all her work; no matter what medium she is using.

I’ve reached that stage…

Published March 7, 2015 by lynn k scott

I’ve reached that stage in my life, where I have friends with adult children.  Ok, so I have adult children too.  I’ve reached that stage in life where I am invited to weddings and other celebrations because of the parents.

Today, I am attending my friend’s son’s wedding.  It’s rather small ceremony, held at a home, very intimate.  These are some of the best weddings I have ever attended.  It just dawned on me.  When I was getting married to my first husband, my mother told me I had to invite certain people; my parents friends.  I never could understand that.  Now, many moons later, I am one of those friends.  My friend invited me because I do know her son and I’ve met his fiance multiple times.

It’s just odd realizing you’ve gone from guest as a friend of the bride and groom to guest because of being friends of the parents.  It’s just another phase I am passing through.  Ironically, I became friends with the groom’s mom when we were in the Blue Star Mother’s group.  Our sons are only a few years apart in age.

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