values

All posts tagged values

Parenting Styles

Published June 14, 2018 by lynn k scott

I was listening to K-Love, my favorite Christian radio station, on my way to work, when they brought up a new study.  “Experts” are saying that the authoritative parenting style should be replaced with parents who negotiate with their child(ren).

I was relieved to hear callers to the station completely disagreeing.  One caller even said, “parenting is directing children and negotiations are for hostages”.  I thought that was brilliant.  The woman happened to be a school teacher and expressed how she let her students know their future bosses wouldn’t tolerate them wanting to negotiate everything they were told to do.

It’s not surprising the “experts” are spouting this nonsense.  In today’s world, where even the youngest child gets a say, feelings can’t be hurt, high school students dictate what they will and won’t do, and college students are causing chaos, it’s a sign the authoritative parenting style has fallen by the wayside.

While I my tween daughter and I discuss issues as they arise, there are certain instances when she is to do as she is told; when she’s told to do it.  My house isn’t a democracy; I am in charge.  Kids are still learning how to become productive members of society.  they don’t have all the answers to make informed decisions on their own.  I don’t want to get up and go to work everyday, but I do.  I don’t always agree with my boss, but I still complete the assigned work.  When I was in college, I did the assignments that the professors handed out, because they were in charge during class time.

Our job as parents is to show our children right from wrong.  Everything they do is not up for debate.  It’s ok to tell a child “no”.  In fact, they need to hear it.  It’s ok to put limits on who they hang out with, that they have to tell you where they are going, to monitor their schoolwork and to listen to you without backtalk and/or arguing.  Boundaries are important and it’s something that must be instilled in every child or they morph into today’s “entitled” adults.

Don’t get me wrong, the older a child gets, there is room for them to have more discussions with you.  If they have a valid point, that might influence or change your decision, then by all means, do so.  But there comes a point when they just need to accept the fact they need to follow instructions and they will not get their way.

So, excuse me experts, there is nothing wrong with the authoritarian parenting style.  Perhaps if more parents were committed to teaching proper behavior, that not everyone can be a winner and respect for their fellow man/woman, then we wouldn’t have young adults needing safe spaces or acting like a spoiled toddler throwing hissy fits on their college campus because their feelings were hurt because they heard something they didn’t agree with.  Today’s entitled kids are products of a non-authoritarian environment.  I’m not an expert, by an means, but I sure as hell will not have my daughter turning out like the majority of today’s teens and 20-somethings.

 

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Who Can I Trigger?

Published February 16, 2018 by lynn k scott

Trigger, that’s not a word I usually use.  Why?  I feel it’s a word for the younger generation.  I don’t care if you a Generation X, Y, Z or Millennial.  Your character speaks more than the year you were born.  That being said, this blog will probably “trigger” a few of the younger and less conservative followers.  If you don’t follow this blog or know me personally (and some people do), then you should know one of my favorite sayings is, “I’m not a bakery and I don’t sugar coat what needs saying”.  So in the infamous words of Graham Allen….”Heeeeere we go!”

I consider myself an ‘old-school’ mom.  I am the mother of five children; with one child under 18-years old.  I am not a perfect mom.  I made A LOT of mistakes with my older children (another story; another time).  However, I am hell bent on correcting some of those past mistakes with my youngest daughter.

I live in California.  It would be an AMAZING state if not for all the liberals and illegals (not undocumented – ILLEGAL) that are here.  I don’t placate the “entitled ideology” that far to many young adults and their children seem to have.  I have conservative values but also feel I help those in need when I can.

That being said, my take on parenting:  You are NOT there to be a friend to your child.  You are the PARENT!  Rules and accountability are first and foremost. If you think your child is your BFF, he/she is NOT!  They are a child in need of guidance, enforced rules, etc.  That friend you are looking for will be there when adulthood is reached.  For now, focus on raising good kids.  “NO” is not a four-letter word and your kids need to hear it.

I love my daughter with all my heart.  She is spoiled rotten; I admit this.  However, there is a point where she knows what is right and wrong.  Is she allowed to do whatever she wants, whenever she feels like it?  HECK NO!  She is given chores that are to be completed. She used to get an allowance.  When she got a phone, the monthly amount equaled her allowance, no more allowance.  The phone is routinely checked and no downloads without consent.  She gets called out when she gets too sassy.  Respect is a key role to raising kids.  She has manners:  Yes, please.  No, thank you.  Excuse me, ma’am.  She is being raised as a child of Christ.  Ooooh, I went there:  religion.  Yup, I sure did.  I honestly believe, if more people had God in their lives, this world would be a much better place.

I have rarely spanked my youngest.  Why, because rules were set early and more importantly, they were enforced.  My daughter in on the verge of becoming a teenager.  While her hormones are kicking in and sometimes she gets called out a bit more on her at-home behavior, I don’t foresee her being one of “typical teens”.  If she ever went that route, my house would be spotless, because nothing makes you think more about what you’ve done than a few good hours of manual labor.  Has it come to that?  Not even close.  Is it an option (if need be); you bet it is!

Is she allowed to wear make-up?  Nope.  She gets to wait til she is 15.  I allow lip gloss and that’s it for now.  Why?  She’s 12!  She doesn’t need makeup.  A cashier at Ulta even said, “maybe next year she can add mascara”.  Sorry, not happening.  There’s no reason to push her to become older than she is.

Is she allowed to wear ripped jeans, shirts that show cleavage, run around unsupervised with her friends?  Nope!  She may not dress ultra-conservative (she’s not going to a nunnery after all), but she knows what is appropriate.  Has she ever tried to get to get away with pushing the clothing envelope?  Of course.  Then, I tell her to go back upstairs and change.  You know what?  She does.  Why, because she has been taught to listen.  Silly me.  I know the parents of her friends.  Sleepover or movie outing?  I speak with the other parents to make sure we are on the same page.  Get involved!  It’s what you should be doing.

My daughter is also at the age we can cover social topics.  What is appropriate for certain situations.  What would would be the consequences for acting like a fool in public?  Or blowing a potential job interview because your friends or mall time is more important?  How about wanting excess clothing or shoes?  I am proud she gives the appropriate responses.

We have covered race, in a variety of instances.  She’s a bi-racial child who isn’t allowed to use that as a reason something did/did not happen.  There are far too many successful, minority people, to let race stand in their way.  I am proud to say, my daughter doesn’t see color.  She will be anyone’s friend as long as they are respectful and are willing to chat.  Her cultural heritage is important; but she’s an American first.

Oh yea, and we say the Pledge of Allegiance in our home too.  We stand, quietly, with hand over our heart, anytime we hear the National Anthem.  We support the 2nd Amendment. My daughter will be visiting a gun range soon to learn weapon safety and how to shoot.  Take a guess at what I think about gun reform.  I may not own any weapons (currently), but I sure as heck could care less what over-paid, non-working, liberal Democrats think “we the people” are entitled to.

Do you know, my daughter already has the mentality that she will need to get a job, as a teen, to pay for the extras she deems important to her?  Do you know, she’s not dreading that? Why?  She has been taught from an early age:  you work for what you want.  Nothing is given to you and further more, you shouldn’t expect it would be.

I don’t care what someone’s education is.  You work hard and you make progress.  If it’s not within your means, you don’t get to have it.  I wish more people would understand this concept.

So my mini-rant about spoiled, self-centered, entitled parents/children is over.  I believe this country needs to get back to a Christian-based, conservative way of life.  Respect, a hard work ethic and caring for your community and country is needed.  If you are upset about this post, perhaps you might want to re-evaluate why you are now “triggered”.

 

Memorial Day Tradition

Published May 5, 2015 by lynn k scott

With Memorial Day only a few weeks away, I’d like share a tradition I have started with my daughter.  This will be the third year we honor our fallen military.

Perhaps you’ve been to a cemetery and seen coins on the tombstones but never understood why.  There are a variety of beliefs as to how this came about and why.  I am focusing on the present and our military personnel.

Penny = you visited the grave
Nickel = you trained in bit camp together
Dime = you served in the same company
Quarter = you were there when they died

Each year, I take my daughter to the Sacramento Valley National Cemetery.  We take a bag of 50 pennies.  She picks the headstone.  I read the name, rank, branch and years of birth/death.  She then places a penny on the headstone and says, “Thank you for your service”.

I am teaching her the real reason behind Memorial Day.  I am teaching her that freedom isn’t free.  It can get emotional.  It can raise questions you might not be prepared to answer (depending on the child’s age).  However, I personally believe it is important to honor those who fight and die for us.

This  picture was from last year.  It was the final grave we visited and I will never forget it.  My daughter thought it was “funny” that there was a bottle of beer there.  I explained why some people do that.  As I went to read the headstone, I stopped.  My daughter looked at me, just after I  wiped a tear that was threatening to fall.  I told her that the Marine (if I remember correctly) that was buried there, was her brother’s age.  She made a slight gasping noise, bent down, hugged the stone and then said, “thank you for your service”.  Then my tears really fell as I said a sllient prayer for his family.

image

As an Army mom of a soldier in the 82nd Airborne, I consider it an honor to make this acknowledgment each year.

Won’t you consider joining us in our tradition?

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